Which brand of dread will you be gifted with?
By Michele Provenzano, Staff Writer
That secret-santa gift exchange you’re planning to take part in? Feeling the need to “win” it, you’ll go way over the ten-dollar price limit, making all of your friends look bad. You’ll feel pretty satisfied with yourself and your self-proclaimed generosity. But it’ll kinda suck when your friends stop talking to you altogether.
After a stressful semester, you’ve been looking forward to relaxing on winter break. You can’t wait to spend a week in bed and binge watch the new season of Nailed It. But your friends and family members are gonna be all annoying and actually want to see you. They’ll even drag you to an outdoor holiday themed event. Ugh.
You’re a child at heart, Gemini, and proud of it. But the holidays are just another painful reminder that you aren’t an actual child anymore. No, you’re an adult with responsibilities. And the truth is that the holiday season just isn’t as magical as it once was. Does life only get harder? What’s the meaning of it all?
Basically Gemini’s dilemma, but worse. As hard as you’ll try to distract yourself from feelings of nostalgia, they’ll keep you up at night. But you know everyone’s tired of hearing you whine about stuff, and you feel bad about bumming people out during the holidays, so you’ll bottle up all your negative emotions. Maybe you’ll even explode on someone!
Everyone’s off celebrating with their loved ones and forgetting to give you the attention you deserve.
Being out of classes, you’ve lost structure in life, so you’re kinda going off the rails. That A- final grade will haunt you. You’ll spend the entire holiday dinner analyzing that one comment your cousin made towards you. And when your loved ones open the gifts you give them, you’ll torture yourself by not believing they’re telling the truth when they say they like them.
Indecisive as ever, you’ll put off shopping for gifts until the last minute. I’m talking the day of the gift exchange. You’ll end up scouring the corner store for something snazzy that you hope you’ll be able to pass off as having put some thought into. The guilt will unbalance you.
Your psychic tendencies are kind of a hindrance around this time of year. You know exactly what gifts your friends are getting you… meaning you know you’re not getting any. You’re truly torn, feeling the need to put up a tough front at all times, but deep down, you want to sing along every time “All I Want For Christmas Is You” plays.
You’re trying to be optimistic. You’re making plans for the break. They aren’t travel plans, though, which bums you out. You live for the excitement of New Year’s Eve and its promise of new beginnings. But that feeling is fleeting—reality will hit in January when you’re placed right back into the same old monotonous routines. You know you won’t have any novel experiences until next summer, Sagittarius.
You’ll spend the break busy trying to settle on the perfect New Year’s resolution. So preoccupied, you’ll forget to even enjoy the time off. You’re also trying to figure out whether you think New Year’s resolutions are stupid or not, so you’ll decide to just call it a “goal” so you can feel better about it.
There’s too much suffering and injustice in the world for you to fully enjoy the winter break. Not to mention the commercialization of the holidays undermining what’s truly meaningful about the season. You’ll spend your time contemplating mass culture and consumerism and just how soon the planet’s gonna go up in flames.
Always in tune with the emotions of others, you’ll feel shitty over the holidays knowing that everyone else is feeling shitty over the holidays. You won’t even be able to pinpoint why you’re feeling down. There’s nothing like being sad and confused.