Scientists astounded by discovery of human decency
By Duncan Fingarson, Senior Columnist
Early yesterday morning, a shocking discovery was made in the comments section of a YouTube Let’s Play. One poster asked a question and, instead of receiving the mockery and derision typical of YouTube comments, received a polite and well-researched answer. The original poster, who goes by the name of xXDeathshead_69, proceeded to enter into a spirited but civil conversation with Murderlord_Bob, who had answered the question.
“The discussion ran for over 12 whole comments, and at no point did either of them use the word ‘fuck’ or insult the other’s intelligence,” said sociologist Dr. Jim Watcher.
In an attempt to recreate the situation leading to it, Dr. Watcher has launched a research project examining the conversation.
“It’s frankly amazing,” Dr. Watcher continued. “The YouTube comments have been a wretched hive of scum and villainy for years, everyone knows that. To find two people having a rational discussion in a place like that… it boggles the mind.”
The Other Press reached out to Murderlord_Bob for comment.
“I don’t think it’s that unusual,” he said. “I mean, maybe for YouTube, but what’s so weird about treating people on the internet like human beings? Just because someone asked a question with an answer that’s obvious to you doesn’t mean it’s obvious to them.”
Clearly, Murderlord_Bob is new to the internet. The strong reaction to people being wrong on the internet is a well-documented phenomenon. It has been observed to keep people up long past the time they should have gone to sleep, and to provoke streams of invectives in more than 75 per cent of situations. The anonymity of the comments section also plays a role, as laid out in John Gabriel’s well-known “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.”
In this case, however, the stars seem to have aligned to produce a rare moment of rational discourse between two fellow humans. Dr. Watcher has reported that he will be publishing his findings soon. The results are expected to take sociology by storm, as nobody really thought it was possible to have a normal conversation on the internet, let alone in the comments section of a YouTube video.
In the meantime, the conversation has been noted by the Internet Cesspit Ranking System, ICRS. As a result, YouTube’s ICRS ranking has jumped by a full point. It is now only the third worst place on the internet, falling just behind Tumblr and Twitter.