This month, our in-house psychic has used the “random” option on urbandictionary.com, and applied whatever word to come up as your horoscope for the month!
This month will bring you luck! Good luck? Bad luck? Neutral luck? Who knows!
“How can I possibly put together fresh material when I’m just telling the same jokes over and over? It’s hopeless!”
Often, there is no “reason,” or at least, not one that is universally understandable.
If you haven’t spent two decades in a constant state of anxiety, you can’t understand the relief when it’s suddenly gone.
What better way to guide than through the mystical art of astrology and subtle mental manipulations?
“Quite honestly it could be hailing fireballs that explode on impact like something out of a shitty Michael Bay movie and I wouldn’t even notice.”