By Greg Waldock, Web Editor
Once upon a time, in the faraway land of Vancouver, British Columbia, there lived a Very Angry Man. The Very Angry Man woke up very angry, went about his day very angry, and fell back to sleep alone very angry every day, every week, every month.
One day, the Very Angry Man wanted to go to the store to buy some sour candies. He got dressed and his shirt didn’t quite fit like it used to, so he growled and went red and pulled on a baggy pajama shirt. He went to brush his teeth, but his electric toothbrush had died, so he snarled and threw it in the trash. Then the Very Angry Man went into his car and it took two whole tries for it to start up.
The Very Angry Man drove and, as usual, everyone around his was driving like a moron. Cars in front of him slowed down, so he honked and grumbled to himself. A lane was closed due to a car accident, so he slammed his clenched hands on the wheel and fumed. He got cut off on the highway, so he hammered his horn and yelled out the window. Some jackass behind him had the audacity to honk and yell back, and the Very Angry Man grew angrier and angrier.
His coat got stuck in the car door when he got out at the store, and he pulled it so hard it ripped. He pushed the store door instead of pulling, making him look like an idiot to all the horrible, judgmental assholes around him. When he finally reached the candy aisle to collect his one thin ray of sunshine in such a dark and unfair world, the Very Angry Man, of course, found his favourite sour candy was sold out. He knew this would happen because he was finally optimistic about something. The Very Angry Man told off every store employee he could find for allowing this to happen to him and, huffing an almost comforting huff, went back to his car.
The Very Angry Man went back to his empty apartment, cracked open a beer he forgot to refrigerate, settled on the couch, and played video games he hated for the rest of the day. In another 12 hours the Very Angry Man would stagger to bed and fall asleep mad again.