Top 5 $200 books to fall asleep on

A review of the season’s best and most expensive pillows

By Sophie Isbister, Contributor

We all know what students love the most: Spending a month’s worth of rent on books we’re barely going to read. When buying your books this semester, stretch your dollar and make sure they fulfill a dual purpose. Check out this list of texts, available at the Douglas College bookstore, which I have handily ranked so you can select the best one upon which to rest your weary head.

5. “Business Essentials, 8th Canadian Edition” ($149.95)

Coming in fifth on the list, this soft-cover beauty may be slim, but it makes up for its lack in size with its slightly lower price tag. You may think that a smaller book may be less comfortable to fall asleep on, but it is the perfect toting size if you’re looking for a book to sleep on while you’re commuting between campuses, or on your break at work.

4. “Organizational Behavior, 10th Edition” ($169.95)

Another value item on the list, our number four-ranked book to help you catch some zzz’s is this fascinating read (well, it might be fascinating—we wouldn’t know, we’ve only slept on it). After tax, it runs just shy of $200, but that’s still cheaper than the Polar TropicTM Body Pillow ($229.99), the most expensive pillow available at Sleep Country. You’d be foolish not to purchase this book in order to lay your head on its hard cover, and temporarily escape the absurdity of your own existence.

3. “Psychological Testing: A Practical Introduction” ($191.95)

I’ll be honest, I was a little hesitant to put this book on this list. I worried that the bold red and blue cover design could contribute to a more awake state in myself and my peers. But once I opened it, and felt the cool, ink-scented pages on my cheek, I fell into the most relaxing siesta I’ve enjoyed all week. For that reason, this book comes in at a solid number three on my list. I would definitely fall asleep on this book again, and I would recommend it to any fellow students looking to fall asleep on a book that, after tax, will only cost you slightly more than $200.

2. “Foundations of Athletic Training” ($190.50)

Even before taking the plastic cover off of this magnificent masterpiece, I can already tell it’s a book that I’ll have a great time sleeping on. It’s one of the thickest of the bunch, giving a nice lift to your head whether you choose to lay on it in an open or a closed position. The proper alignment of your skeleton during the course of any nap, or even full sleep, that you take on this book will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to read even more books which you will inevitably fall asleep on.

1. “Nonprofit Marketing” ($218.95)

I sure hope the creators of this bank-breaking tome are turning a profit, because there is a very good reason that this book tops the list of best $200 books to sleep on. It costs the most of the lot, but you get exactly what you pay for: A hard surface that, while not quite as comfortable as a pillow, will definitely do the trick to prop up your skull once it has been pumped too full of information to sustain consciousness. Its’ stark white cover, and possibly the words contained within, will lull you into a gentle slumber, allowing you to momentarily forget that the average Canadian student will owe over $25,000 in student debt by the time they are thrust into an overcrowded job market with dwindling prospects.