Still from Vine
I hope I’m not ‘Jones BBQ and foot massage’
By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor
The year is 2014. The Ice Bucket Challenge is chilling people across the globe, Kim and Kanye got hitched, and Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin split up. What a whirlwind! Also in its heyday was Vine, an app that allowed short, looping videos to be burned into your subconscious years later. Instead of watching “Vines that helped cure my depression 4” on YouTube for the 17th time, try taking our quiz to find out which Vine you’ll be thinking about for the next several hours!
You receive a phone call saying that out of your two best friends, only one can be saved. You:
a) choose the friend you’ve known the longest
b) choose the friend who needs more time to live
c) offer yourself as a sacrifice
d) kill both friends
In Ikea, you would probably be found:
a) at the cafeteria, scarfing down those lingonberry balls as if they owed you money
b) in the children’s play place, despite the height restriction
c) wandering the home decor, drinking red wine from the cafeteria (they frown upon this, but it is allowed)
d) in the lesser cafeteria by the checkout, eating a suspicious hot dog
Love is in the air! To choose a mate, you:
a) use Tinder
b) use Bumble
c) approach people on the street like somebody who has been raised by wolves
d) remain celibate by choice
Get those endorphins flowing! For exercise, you generally:
a) jog
b) cycle
c) “run” from the couch to the fridge! Ha ha ha!
d) masturbate
After exercising, it’s time to carbo-load. For pizza, you pick:
a) four-cheese, baby
b) veggie! But not vegan—you’re a bad bitch
c) just the sauce
d) crust only
MOSTLY “A”s
I’m in me mum’s car!
You’re a nice, easygoing Vine. You bring to mind a simpler era, when we were all truly in our mum’s car. There are a couple remixes of you out there, but most people love you for your clean, family-orientated fun.
MOSTLY “B”s
And they were roommates!
Oooh, gurl! You’ve got a little sass! You’re a classic Vine that pops into everyone’s head upon even hearing the word “roommates.” Many people have recreated you, but we all know there’s only one true original. A classic for the ages!
MOSTLY “C”s
Epcot Ball
Not your traditional Vine! You sometimes go a little left field, but you have something that appeals to almost everyone.
MOSTLY “D”s
HE NEEDS SOME MILK
What the hell happened to you?! Lock yourself in your room and wait until the launch of Vine’s successor, v2. Or download TikTok, whatever works.
