What to do with all the toilet paper you bought in a panic

Illustration by Sonam Kolati

How to have fun with the only thing you stocked

By Tania Arora, Staff Writer


There was a huge lineup early in the morning outside the store. People were waiting for the gates to open. At 9 am—as soon as the employees unlocked the door—the people went flying faster than a plane…wooooosh! 

I am totally aware that the health authorities are advising every individual to wash their hands and sanitize them, avoid any physical contact, and steer clear of huge gatherings. But what role does toilet paper play here?

When were we advised to stock toilet paper so religiously that even our next generation could use them? Videos circulated all over the internet in which people could be seen buying toilet paper rolls in bulk. Big retail and wholesale stores felt like it was black Friday already. Now it’s not just sanitizers and masks, but also the rolls that stores have run out of. The demand has resulted in the soaring prices of each roll. Costco ran out of their Kirkland papers in 10 minutes. Their per day sales on TP was almost equal to their monthly sales. Following are the things I assume people would be doing with all those rolls:


1. Be a mummy:

Since face masks are expensive, rolls are the next target. I assume with so much paper, people will cover themselves up instead of using the masks. With that much stocked, people can dispose of it on a regular basis and roll themselves up again, their children, and their grandchildren.


2. Go to the washroom a lot:

I am pretty sure people have learnt from some unknown source that the virus causes pooing. Hence they started filling their washrooms with the backup, and now just sit there… waiting.


3. Resell it:

This category is trying to mess up the demand and supply curve so that the prices shoot up and they can resell it at a much higher price. I wasn’t surprised when I came across an online advertisement where someone was actually reselling rolls because they bought them in bulk. I guess people are thinking that toilet paper rolls are the new shares.


4. TP people’s houses:

This would probably be welcome at this point. Free toilet paper.


You never know if this is a strategy of the stores to increase the footfall or just a bunch of smart people sharing their abundant knowledge. But the only thing that can help right is to maintain the hygiene level and not travel.