Dating success means taking chances

Fail more to win more

By Kingsley Beckett, Contributor

A girl has never slapped me, thrown a drink in my face, or called me a jerk. To some people this probably means that I’m doing something right, but that’s not true. The guys who have had these things happen to them took a chance and had it backfire, but they got a result—results are important. Receiving a good result is optimal, but receiving a negative result can sometimes be better; it’s usually not fun, but bad results give you something to work with. In my life, I haven’t seen any results when trying to get a girlfriend, or to a greater extent, intimate with women.

For a while this didn’t bother me, because I always had a good excuse to tell myself: I was too busy being an athlete, I had too many pimples, my leg was too broken, I was sick, too broke, or wanted a nap. But really I was just afraid and unprepared for the real task of actually taking the chance and trying to make things happen. Sure, if you want to never fail, all you have to do is not try. But it’s when we take a chance that we might attain our desires.

I’ve been practically single my whole life (I’m 23) and it’s because I haven’t taken enough chances or pushed hard enough for what I wanted. Part of me wants to blame my chronic single-ness on bad luck, since I’m consistently attracted to ladies in committed relationships—but someone told me once that there is no such thing as luck, and they seemed wise.

The past couple of years I have made progress and taken chances with girls, but things usually fizzle out like a party sparkler. My dating habits remind me of my push-up routines; I’ll do a few, feel good, then suddenly realize how difficult it is and decide to lay back and listen to some music instead of hurting myself anymore.

But now is the time of year when folks are still playing around with their New Year’s resolutions. If you want to resolve to do something new, resolve to take more chances. Sure, that sounds tough and scary, and it goes against everything your mom told you, but it could be extremely gratifying. We’re raised (or at least I was) to minimize risk and play it safe, but playing it safe will only lead to watching life pass you by as others around you are having all the fun.

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed,” said basketball great, Michael Jordan. If it wasn’t for the hundreds of games he lost, or free-throws he missed, he would not have learned how to win. It’s when we make mistakes or get rejected that we learn how to decrease the odds of it happening again.

Now, I’m perhaps the last person who should be doling out dating advice, but if you need some sort of resolution to embark on or just need to make changes in your dating life, start with taking more chances and getting out of your comfort zone; embrace your inner danger and take some risks. I know I will, and hopefully it will pay off.