How a long and enduring boogeyman barred Bernie Sanders from the presidency
By Matthew Fraser, Opinions Editor
Every culture has its own legends and stories to pass on to its new generation. Black Pete in Belgium, Sinterklaas from Myra, China’s koi fish that worked hard and became a dragon. In opposition to these light-hearted children’s stories, every country has a boogeyman to scare the bad ones back to good behaviour. If you have seen the John Wick series you are now familiar with Baba Yaga, Russia’s very own boogeyman, and not five years ago a movie came out about Krampus, Santa’s evil child-eating counterpart. America took her sweet time developing a boogeyman; what could be really scary in the land of the free and the home of the brave? Well, after (kind of) accepting the old foe of black people, a terrible scourge descended on them from the Northeast. It was dressed in Red. It was born in Germany but grew to terrible heights in Russia before creeping into China where it lurks to this day. It fancied a vacation and moved to Cuba and from there it spread south and haunted the lower Americas; it set its ghastly foot in California and scared many a mother half to death.
Americas boogeyman is Communism and its dear brother Socialism.
Enter Bernie Sanders. Kindly, kooky, Jewish and a raging socialist if Fox is to be believed. Sanders has inspired everyone from Mike Pence to Kid Rock to spit in rancid fury that Socialism has invaded America and is here to take your everything. He has prompted Nancy Pelosi to state that he is just too radical to be taken seriously or trusted. He huffed and he puffed against Hillary Clinton and conjured a champion in AOC and her squad. He has reaffirmed to the angry reactionary right that the kids really aren’t alright and that good ol’ fashion pride in America is dying a dog’s death. Never mind that he doesn’t want to collectivize every firm and give workers sole and total control over the means of production. Forgot that he isn’t trying to nationalize any and every bank, business, or institution in order to engage the true meaning of wealth redistribution. It’s not without note that he honeymooned in Russia and openly supported Fidel Castro before his death. Over time he clarified and added context to his previous support, stating that he was referring to the education and healthcare advancements Cuba had made. Still, he is unforgivable for praising a controversial authoritarian world leader on camera (while not being named Donald Trump).
Without a doubt, Sanders is a socialist because he wants to make healthcare so cheap its actually free and drop the paywalls that nourish post-secondary institutions. No good God-fearing American would walk out of church and wish free healthcare on any of their neighbors, especially not during a global pandemic. For this and only this reason Bernie Sanders cannot—and most likely—will not be the democratic presidential candidate. He is just too close to the evil that keeps older white America awake and trembling. It’s not that he has bragged about pussy grabbing or the ability to get away with murder at New York’s busiest intersection. It’s not that he orchestrated a bill that put millions of blacks and Latinos in prison to rot or at best leave 20 years later as felons. It’s certainly not because he believes it’s wrong for him to be in a r0om unattended with a woman that isn’t his wife. No! Mr. Sanders is unelectable because he is the new wizened, frizzy haired, Larry-David-lookalike face of communism. He is the great evil that reared its head in the ‘60s reincarnated to oppose the American right to go bankrupt over a broken leg; he is the devil that menaces the $600+ ambulance ride. The villain threatening for-profit education where professors somehow still manage to be broke. All this before we even menti0n his dastardly plan to raise minimum wage!
If you, kindly reader, were to abandon your single-payer healthcare just long enough to peer over the 49th parallel you would gaze upon an oasis where the plot of Breaking Bad (a science teacher selling meth to pay for cancer treatment) is a distinct possibility. You would see a land where the plot of John Q could happen any day of the week and twice on Fridays (the father of a boy with an enlarged heart holds an entire hospital ransom because the insurance he’s paid into won’t pay out). A recent article read that Bernie Sanders had done more for socialism than socialism had done for him. In all honesty it’s not clear what great revitalization Socialism got from Sanders, but it is clear that hatred for socialism cost Sanders a job in the big house.
