Obama rolls out controversial new firearm law

Teenage girls, Hello Kitty manufacturers highly supportive

By Aidan Mouellic, Contributor

In response to the rising number of gun-related incidents in the United States, president Barack Obama has signed a new law to prevent the proliferation of firearms. However, the laws that critics feared Obama would be implementing, such as a ban on assault weapons, were surprisingly not been implemented.

Only one new law was passed this week, though it proved to be a significant one: the new weapon appearance regulation states that starting next week, all firearms sold must be covered at least 95 per cent in hot pink colouring and have a minimum of five Hello Kitty or Sailor Moon images visible on the weapon.

The new law has National Rifle Association (NRA) members and the gun enthusiast community in an uproar.

All current firearm owners have 90 days to surrender their current firearms to their local ‘Pink Palace,’ government-run facilities that will retrofit all currently owned firearms to abide by the new appearance regulation.

“Assault rifles and similar firearms are popular with users because they make the user look cool and tough, similar to our armed forces,” Obama took the time to explain the reasoning behind the controversial new law. “Having guns look more like Barbie doll accessories than killing machines will make people think twice about using them or rushing out to purchase them.”

The NRA has yet to release a statement over the new gun laws.

When contacted by phone, a Dallas, Texas gun enthusiast was less than thrilled. “There is no way in hell I will let Barrack Hussein Obama paint my AK-47 pink and put Hello Pussy stickers on it! I cannot be seen at the range looking all girly.”

In order to address the public’s growing concerns over the “threat” to male masculinity, The Other Press spoke to forensic psychologist Liz Melon. “The law will undoubtedly have an impact gun usage, especially among insecure males who use guns to make themselves seem more frightening or cool than they really are.”

It appears the law is already having an impact, considering that within minutes of the President’s announcement, Justin Bieber tweeted “Man this blows! I don’t want any pink girly guns in my next music video! I’m moving back to Canada!”