Occult ritual brings straw feminists to life

‘We’re seeing too much progression, really’

By Angela Espinoza, News Editor

This past weekend, members of an Abbotsford-based occult group successfully animated what they’re calling “straw feminists.” Made from bundles of straw and appearing stereotypically feminine, the group hopes to use moral panic to their advantage this Halloween.

Their belief is that societal damages caused by the straw feminists will improve their chances of winning this year’s BC-wide Fright for Flight contest. Winners will be awarded a trip to a horror-themed event of their choosing based on how many in their respective communities they’ve emotionally scarred.

“People are overwhelmed by all the changes they’re seeing with gender equality,” said reanimation enthusiast Russell “Cerberuss” Fringle. “We’re seeing too much progression, really.

“The topic is still sensitive for a lot of people, so whether you’re for or against feminism, we feel we’ll be upsetting everyone equally.”

The straw feminist design was based on scarecrows, draped in patched clothes with female gender symbols of varying shapes and sizes and stuffed with straw.

“The hands were difficult, as we were hoping to provide them with claws,” said Fringle. “We ended up putting nail polish on Freddy Kruger gloves.” Faces were made from cloth smeared with makeup and googly-eyes glued to fake eyelashes.

The hardest part for the group though was the ritual itself. “We mainly wanted to see if the ritual would actually work.” Fringle added the success of the animation ritual opens up more opportunities for members of their sect. “We don’t know what those opportunities are yet, but we’re glad to know they’re there.”

However, despite the success of releasing straw feminists into their community, the creatures are far from perfect. “As a defence mechanism, the straw feminists will burn their bras when placed in a confrontational situation,” said Fringle. “The only problem is straw feminists don’t think, so they continue to leave their bras on while setting them on fire.

“They light up like a Christmas tree, which I suppose is horrifying enough, but it takes days to bring them to life, so the bra-burning is more of a setback at this point.”

Fringle added that their main scare tactics in turn are going well: “They scare the shit out of everyone. They’re either threatening men with nonsensical rants or screeching at women to do the same.”

Fringle remains hopeful that his team will win the contest, but worries about the possibility of paying for property damage.

“The straw feminists have been breaking into stores to take sealed tampons and throw them at people. We’re not really sure what that’s about, but it’s confusing enough that I suppose it adds to the overall fear factor.”