Editor’s note: I am baby
By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor
A national mystery was ended last Thursday when it was determined that millions of internet users were not, in fact, “baby.”
Appearing to originate as an iPhone autocorrect back in 2017, the phrase has recently revitalized itself to quickly spread across the internet, popping up in the unlikeliest places.
Thousands of tweets and Instagram posts were captioned “I’m baby,” leaving social media users to assume that the person posting was anywhere from one day to four years old.
“But this isn’t really the case,” scientist Trisha Piyana told Other Press reporters. “How would a baby know how to use social media, or even spell full words? No, these captions are clearly the work of someone above the age of nine, all the way to a full-grown adult.”
What do these elusive captions really mean?
Reporters spoke to Scott Dyerson, 23, who had more than 40 likes on an “I’m baby” tweet that was accompanied by a selfie of him drinking a Starbucks iced coffee.
“Well, as you can see, I’m clearly baby,” Dyerson said. “I could make my coffee at home, saving myself an average of $15 a week. But instead I go out of my way to purchase expensive caffeinated beverages I can’t afford, thus making me baby.”
Other social media users were quick to echo Dyerson’s sentiments. Kailee Gates, 31, had a Facebook profile picture with an “I’m baby” caption.
“I’m baby because I took the picture in my pyjamas,” Gates said. “Babies sleep for most of the day, often wearing pyjamas. That’s why I’m baby. It’s all really very technical.”
Rhia Schneider, 25, offered a more insightful answer:
“I like the phrase ‘I’m baby’ because I can apply it to a hot, cleavage-exposing photo of myself in front of an artfully dilapidated brick wall, or as the tag on my hour-long Facebook Live emotional breakdown,” Schneider said. “It’s in both of these polar opposite moments where I find that I am, really and truly, baby.”
So is the social media trend really just a blatant lie? Not entirely, according to some first-hand accounts.
“I had no idea this would happen,” Gordon Jackson, 36, told Other Press reporters. “I thought I was just going along with everyone else—I didn’t think there would be any consequences!”
After captioning a picture of himself sitting on a wooden bench in front of a sunset with “I’m baby,” Jackson found himself rapidly becoming younger by the day.
“After posting the photo I noticed the wrinkles on my hands becoming less pronounced,” Jackson told press. “The next morning, my crow’s feet were gone. A week has gone by and look at me—I look like I’m 25.”
Reporters asked Jackson what his plans were as he became younger and younger before their very eyes.
“Well, there’s nothing much more I can do,” Jackson said. “I’ve accepted my fate. I have nobody to blame but myself, I guess. Let this be a lesson to anyone who jumps blindly onto internet trends. On the plus side, I was pretty cute as a baby. So once I reach infanthood, I’m going to have my girlfriend take a photo of me and put it on the ’gram. I have a feeling she’ll have the perfect caption for it.”
