Tit-ilating

Fashion from the 2017 Oscar red carpet

By Brittney MacDonald, Life & Style Editor

Due to some guy deciding several hundred years ago that women’s breasts were somehow inappropriate to display publicly, we as a society have suffered greatly. Some have suffered because they have been denied the beauty and majesty of looking at a pair of breasts (and their accompanying individual who probably has a great personality) on a daily basis. Others have suffered because they haven’t been allowed to let their titties roam free, and instead have been socially pressured to learn the ways of the bra.

Thankfully, there’s high-fashion!

Recently, the 2017 Academy Awards took place and many women in the Oscar community decided that a formal event was a good enough excuse to show off their assets in some extremely stunning ways.

Topping my list of beauties is Janelle Monae, who stars in Hidden Figures. She wore an amazing black and white Saab Haute Couture gown. Despite the fact that the bodice was made of black mesh and Monae’s breasts were clearly visible, the over-all effect still appeared conservative due to the volume of the skirt and the fact the bodice was so heavily and intricately beaded. As a petite woman, Monae has the ability to carry a really extravagant look like this off without appearing too intimidating or overly done up. The key is to ensure that the overall silhouette doesn’t consume her small frame, which she accomplishes by restricting the majority of the heft to the bottom half of the dress. If you have a similar body type, you can try this out by wearing a voluminous skirt or pant with a fitted shirt or blouse. It automatically makes you look powerful, without making it seem like you’re trying too hard.

Next up is Hailee Steinfeld, who wore an incredibly feminine Ralph and Russo gown that featured floral appliques. I will admit, I am a sucker for a flowing fairy-dress, and this is one of the best I’ve seen. The key here is the colour. The pale shade of the transparent fabric mimics her skin tone, so despite the fact it is a nude illusion, you can’t really tell until you get a closer look. This makes the dress look chic and classy, despite it being see-through. Now, I know that Steinfeld has a perfect body—and I hate her for it too—but the cut of this dress is so flattering it could work on almost anyone. The halter neckline feminizes the shoulders and downplays the bust to make room so that you can see hers very clearly and in great detail. A couple sequined patches over the nipples and she looked fabulous.

Rounding out our list is a woman who’s breasts weren’t exactly visible, but it was very clear she was bra free—Chrissy Teigen! Teigen wore a white and silver Zuhair Murad gown, which was definitely tailor-made to conceal the fact that she refuses to wear a bra, ever! The exorbitant amount of beading over the bust adds a texture that would disguise any unwanted nippledge should the night turn a tad chilly. This is a great tip to keep in mind if you’d like to try going bra-free more often. A heavy texture such as lace, beading, or denim will provide the perfect camouflage for your “ladies” if you can’t wear a bra because you’re sporting something backless or strapless, or if you just don’t want to.