Law and Order: Special Fast Food Unit

The ‘Coles’ lawsuit

By Chitwan Khosla, Features Editor

Mrs. Panini Meals sued Mr. Hamburger Meals, her ex-husband, for psychological abuse. She claimed in her affidavit submitted in the court that her husband has repeatedly caused her distress over the years that they were married, and even after it ended two years ago.

“My husband always stopped me from grilling when we were married and now, when we are divorced, he doesn’t allow me to grill for our kids—Mayo, Mustard, and Ketchup; instead he always serves them his toasted buns. I want my kids to enjoy the food I cook too, I have been working so hard to financially support and raise them, but he doesn’t value my sacrifices and efforts. We both share joint custody of the kids but he doesn’t allow the kids to be with me. I feel that he is separating them away from me.” Mrs. Panini Meals said in the courtroom at the trial last week.

Mr. Meals’ lawyer prosecuted his defence, “Mrs. Meals has filed false allegation against my client. She knows Mayo and Mustard go well with Mr. Meals. Ketchup is old enough to make his own decisions.”

Mr. Meals denied that he ever forbade his Mrs. Meals from any grilling. He said that he loved to grill his ex-wife or see her getting grilled herself.

The defence council initially appealed for the dismissal of the case, but Judge Caesar Cheese refused the appeal and ordered the case to go to trial. The claimant in her statement at the trial had brought to attention other instances where she was subjected to psychological harassment by Mr. Meals. She told how at Mayo’s birthday party, Mr. Meals insulted her by throwing liquor at her. Mr. Meals answered that he thought Mrs. Meals liked to get wet.

Mr. Meals, who owns Coleslaw Corp, would be subjected to pay his wife a compensation of $10-million and probably a share in his meat factory if he lost the case.

Mr. Meals, who is dating his secretary, Ms. Cold Pop, announced a few days before Mrs. Meals filed the lawsuit that he is considering marrying soon. He is now claiming that this is a conspiracy motivated from greed and envy and he is being framed.

But, you know what they say: a Hamburger goes well with a Cold Pop!