I saw youâŚ
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
SkyTrain Soapbox W4M
Me, a lowly student waiting for the Expo Line to Production Way at New Westminster station. You, some kind of GamerGate dudebro on the other platform, talking about the forced inclusion of diversity in gaming and how the problems in Mass Effect: Andromedaâs animation rigging was somehow the fault of the âSJWs.â I felt, upon listening to you, that we were somehow meant for one another. Iâm sure of it; yes, we are soulmates. You are the arch-nemesis of all my lifetimes, and I must find you again so that we can fight one another to the death.
You can pick the time and place. Email me your opinions about sending death threats to female game devs so I that itâs you.
meowww m4?
I saw u as I was walking home last 2sday and it was luv at 1st site. u had beautiful black hair and enormous green eyes that shone in the dark. before I could talk 2 u tho u disappeared into a bush. my <3 was </3. u were the most beautiful cat I have ever seen and I think we should be 2gether 4ever. pls come find me. I <3 u mr kitty.
Some kind of REM bullshit N/A4?
Iâve been looking for you all my life, but Iâve never needed you more than now. I feel like Iâve caught glimpses of you in the wind, the rain, my own reflection, but Iâve never trusted these moments. Please, God, if youâre out there, show me a sign. Finals are coming. I have a 20-page essay due tomorrow, and I havenât started. I could really use some divine intervention right about now.
probably my soulmate w4w
It was last Friday outside the Wings by Lougheed when I saw youâshort, red-haired, and very angry. You challenged a passing minivan to a fist-fight while your friends held you back, then proceeded to vomit behind a bush. When you came back, you told a garbage can to âwatch its fool selfâ before walking directly into a street lamp. I think Iâm in love with you. Call me?
I should have asked when I had the chance⌠w4?
I smelled u before I saw uâthe most delicious fragrance, salt and heat and something intrinsically u. when I saw u I new I had 2 have u, but I was 2 shy to say anything and b4 I could find my voice u were gone. U were the most delicious poutine ive ever seen in my whole life, and I donât know where u came from. Dis was close to the waves on front street and if u no where I can find this poutine PLS MESSAGE ME ITS HAUNTING MY DREAMS.