Release yourself in intimacy

The need for ego-less, sensual play

By Klara Woldenga, Humour Editor

There is a deep need for releasing the ego while surrendering into sensual games with others. By ego, I mean our mental structure of ideas of who we want to be, or who we should be, based on certain expectations we hold for ourselves. These expectations arise from the narratives we blanket ourselves with. Those narratives can be constructed positively—if you have spent your entire life learning to be a doctor it makes sense to have the personal narrative that you are a doctor. Unfortunately, many narratives are based out of confirmation bias based from negative experiences, such as “I never win,” “No one cares for me,” or “If I do not finish this I will be worthless.” Positive narratives can also hold us back. For example, a person who tightly holds onto the previously mentioned doctor narrative for decades may emotionally crumble if they are forced to suddenly leave the practice, or eventually retire.

To sensually play while releasing the egotistical idea of who we are, and who we should be, allows us to embrace the moment, ourselves and others. We are not able to be successfully present unless we let go of our expectations created by a future that does not exist yet, along with releasing who we should be based on shaky, bias memories.

I believe we cannot fully physically enjoy ourselves, or another, without letting go of our attachments to the false ideas of self-worth—the fake idea that we are simply the products we create; products that will simply never be good enough in the eyes of capitalism. If we let go of the idea that we must impress ourselves, or the partner we are with, we are finally able to let go and patiently enjoy who we are in this moment.

We can’t deeply celebrate ourselves and others if we can’t release the ego-fueled idea that we are never good enough to be loved unless we do this or that. If we do not let go of this falseness we will always be unsuccessfully grasping onto others for unlikely validation instead of enjoying the present, physical moment. Being sexually connected while holding onto unrealistic expectations of yourself, or another, will always lead to disappointment simply because our desires will never fully equal reality based on our inability to perfectly control our environment.

The orgasm and human body cannot become another impatient goal or product that reflects our own self-worth, as we will then rush to receive and create what should have been savored and explored without pressures, demands or expectations.

It is when we calmly explore and communicate with ego-less, vulnerable enjoyment and curiosity that we truly connect with who we all are: An ever-shifting essence of being.

Sensual play and love have no fixed narratives, paces, or ideas, and neither should we.