McBoneface pleads with public to be more considerate this fall

Exclusive interview with local skeleton

By Klara Woldenga, Humour Editor

Fall is a time of pumpkin everything, Halloween, and cozy experiences. Most feel joy during this season, but local skeleton, John Boney McBoneface, requested an interview with the Other Press to educate the public on some challenges that come with being a skeleton during autumn.

John Boney McBoneface (JBM): Thank you for taking the time to talk with me today. I have a few things I would like the public to know about being a skeleton; I feel we get a lot of flack, especially during fall.

Klara Woldenga (KW): Thank you for reaching out. What do you want the public to know?

JBM: I want them to know how hard it is being a skeleton during this season. There are a lot of false assumptions about us that everyone seems to believe.

KW: Can you give us an example?

JBM: Well, for starters, I am not spooky. Both my girlfriend and psychiatrist said so.

KW: You mentioned on the phone that you don’t like going out on Halloween, or the few weeks leading up to it. Can you elaborate more on that?

JBM: It’s the decorations. I always see fake skeletons on people’s doors, forget they’re fake, wave to them, and then end up looking like an idiot when they don’t wave back. When I go into stores I constantly get put back into the “Halloween” section by the staff. I can’t step foot in Value Village for at least three months out of the year because of this, it’s ridiculous.

KW: What other challenges do you face being a skeleton in today’s busy world?

JBM: No one takes the time anymore—everyone just makes assumptions about me because I’m a skeleton. We don’t carry trumpets and toot them 24/7. I used to play trumpet in band during my university days, but that’s just a non-spooky coincidence. I don’t even listen to the extended Spooky Scary Skeleton remix. At least, I don’t anymore since everyone wants to share it with me when they meet me. Everyone thinks it’s my favorite song, but it’s not.

KW: What would you like the public to do to better accommodate skeletons during this stressful season?

JBM: Just be more understanding, and less scared, frankly. I’ve had so many people pull their dogs away from me when I walk down the street. I’m guessing it’s out of fear that their dog will bite me and try to take one of my bones. I own a dog, okay? If you train your pet properly there is no cause for concern. I’ve been alive for thousands of years; I think I know how to handle myself when a dog crosses my path. Black cats, not so much, but that’s another story. I just want the public to be more aware of their actions. Not every skeleton in the Halloween section of their store has to be put back on the rack—some of those skeletons are real, and their feelings are too.

KW: Can you tell us more about yourself and your past? Where were you raised?

JBM: I grew up in Medicine Hat, a really bare-bones town. My mom raised me well, and had a good sense of humour. That’s probably where I get my funny bone from; I’ve been told I’m quite humerus.

KW: Are you aware of how many skeleton puns you made in that response?

JBM: This interview is over.