Woman arrested for texting partner too many times in a row

‘It was just so annoying’ stated victim

By Klara Woldenga, Humour Editor
Joan Harren is facing 30 days in jail, along with a possible fine of $2,000, for texting her love interest too many times without waiting for a response back.

Harren’s arrest came after her sort-of-boyfriend, Mark Daven, called the police to complain that Harren was harassing him with texts.

“The texts were just really annoying,” stated Daven in an exclusive interview with the Other Press. “I’m a very busy guy. I don’t have time to deal with the feelings of someone I’m kind of emotionally involved with, especially when it inconveniences me.”

According to the police report, Harren texted Daven five times within a six-day time span without waiting for a response back to continue the conversation. The texts ranged from wondering if he wanted to go out sometime soon, to flat-out asking if he was even still interested in hanging out with her again.

“It was, frankly, too needy—too ‘emotional.’ I was clear with her that I didn’t want anything serious,” Daven said, very seriously. “I don’t know why she told the police that I was her boyfriend, I don’t believe in titles—I strictly label myself a ‘no label’ kind of guy.”

According to the report, the police quickly responded to Daven’s call by breaking into Harren’s apartment and then arresting her on charges of “electronic harassment.”

There has been an influx of electronic harassment reports over the past few years, according to Alex Welick, head of police. The police department has responded by lowering their response time, and having a zero per cent tolerance for these kinds of attacks.

“We get these kind of calls all the time,” stated Welick in a recent press conference. “These kids who harass others just can’t put their phones down. It leads to so many people on the receiving end feeling shame—an emotion we’re working to make illegal.”

When asked how citizens could prevent electronic harassment, Welick was quick to give advice.

“Sometimes it’s best to accept ghosting before you hurt other people with your concerns about whether people want to stay in a relationship with you,” stated Welick. “Forcing someone to confront issues or unanswered questions about a relationship isn’t something people want to do, and, frankly, not a thing we would wish on anyone.”

With Harren off the streets, Daven can finally breathe a sigh a relief.

“I’m just glad I finally feel safe,” he said. “Now I can freely walk the streets knowing that I won’t be confronted with the need to address any issues in a relationship I was part of, or feel any shame at all, really—as I said, I’m a busy guy. I just don’t have time for any of that stuff.”

When asked what he was so busy with, Daven stated he had a very active Twitter account.

“I have almost 1,000 followers. Twitter fame doesn’t build itself, you know. #RiseandGrind.”

Harren’s trail will be held at the end of November.