Stop faking your orgasms

Faking it till you make it is not helpful when it comes to sex

By Jessica Berget, Opinions Editor

Sex has a lot of positive benefits. It is great way to relieve stress, show intimacy with your partner, express yourself sexually, and above all, it’s fun and feels good. However, if you feel like you must fake your orgasms for whatever reason, it can cause unnecessary stress, and can make sex feel like a chore, which completely defeats the purpose.

It is a known fact that a lot of women fake their orgasms—about 50 per cent according to a study by the National Centre for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). However, did you know that about 25 per cent of men among college students have also faked their orgasms?

Although these numbers are varied substantially, all genders are prone to faking their climaxes for the same reasons. One of the main reasons is that they don’t want to be put in awkward situations, like making their partner feel bad for not being able to make them finish, but there are also many other reasons. Maybe they want the sex to end because they are bored, or not enjoying it, they are in pain, or they want to make their partners feel good and help them finish first by overacting their pleasure. No matter the gender, faking your orgasms is a temporary, short-term solution to a much bigger and deeply-rooted problem.

Faking it causes a lot more issues than it solves, especially for women. Let’s face it, vaginas are complicated, and, generally speaking, it’s harder for girls to orgasm during sex than it is for guys. A lot of women tend to believe that there is something wrong with them because their partner can’t make them climax, but it’s not the woman’s fault. In fact, although penetrative sex is the most common form of heterosexual sex, about 75 per cent of women have trouble finishing from it alone, as reported by ABC News.

Unsurprisingly, a lot of this has to do with the unrealistic expectations that pornography creates. Because of porn, many women just mimic what they see because they think that’s how they are supposed to act in a sexual situation. You can also end up forgetting what you actually like about sex. Faking your orgasms on a regular basis ends up turning more into a sexual performance more than it is an intimate moment between you and your sexual partner.

Faking your orgasms also creates a wall between you and your partner. Because they think you are enjoying what they are doing, they are—naturally—going to keep doing it. Unless you communicate with your partner what you like and dislike in sex, nothing is going to change. This can also cause a lot of problems with your partner regarding trust and intimacy. If you can’t healthily communicate to your partner what you want and how you want it, how can you communicate in any other aspect of your relationship?

Even if you are not in a relationship or are just hooking up, you should never have to sacrifice your pleasure or your sexual needs to save your partners ego. Be honest with them, and do not be afraid to tell them what you want.