Illustration by Cara Seccafien
Sorry, I couldn’t finish this quiz… because of the snow…
By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor
Listen up, bucko! I don’t like the snow, and I’m not going to be cajoled and guilted into “appreciating nature” when all being cold makes me want to do is eat carbs and scratch my eczema. It might’ve stopped snowing, but you never know! The weather is as fickle as I am (and that’s pretty fickle). If there’s even a light dusting of snow on the ground, why fulfill any of your “adult” obligations? Stay inside and watch two seasons of two separate shows underneath your roommate’s heating pad. How should you call into work/school/previous engagements? Take this quiz to find out!
Brr! It’s cold out! You layer up by wearing:
a) long johns, thermal socks, mittens, and a nice wool hat
b) three t-shirts and tights under jeans
c) a bigger sweater than normal
d) I’m walkin’ out in shorts, baby!
When you get inside, you reach for a nice, hot cup of:
a) hot chocolate with marshmallows
b) English Breakfast tea
c) mug o’ soup
d) hot toddy
Your favourite part of making a snowperson is:
a) rolling the snow into perfect spheres
b) putting the carrot nose on
c) shaping twigs into hands
d) making the snowpeople anatomically correct (X-rated!)
Make your space your own! To make your living room extra cozy, you:
a) hang up some twinkle lights
b) light a Bath & Body Works candle
c) Burn some incense
d) light scraps of paper on fire for that authentic wood stove smell
You’re walking home and it starts to snow heavily. You:
a) take your headphones out and stare up into the sky in wonder
b) don’t take your phone out, just live in the moment
c) stick your tongue to a pole to see if it’ll freeze
d) throw snowballs filled with gravel at moving cars
Mostly “A”s
No excuse
Don’t let the snow stop you! Head directly outside and do whatever you need to do, sucker. Yeah, yeah. You used to live in Manitoba, so this is nothing, it’s -40 in Calgary now, I get it. Now shut up and go to class.
Mostly “B”s
“I have the worst fever and I can’t come in.” 🙁 🙁 🙁
You’re a fan of the snow, and probably have some weird obsession with reliving your childhood, but we won’t go into that right now. Hopefully you have better tact than Mostly “A”s and know when to shut the hell up about the weather.
Mostly “C”s
“A frozen pipe burst and now my kitchen is flooded! My roommates are at work and I’m just waiting for a repairman to come in.” 🙁 🙁 🙁
You’re probably ambivalent about the snow, but why waste time doing stuff you HAVE to do when you could be doing stuff you WANT to do, right? This is a tasteful lie that will get you out of many a situation.
Mostly “D”s
“I was driving to work/school/the restaurant and my car skidded into a ditch.” 🙁 🙁 🙁
FUCK the snow!!!! This excuse has both an element of danger and also puts the blame on the other person. Hey, they pretty much owe you one for making you leave the house in these kinds of conditions! Milk it for all it’s worth.
