Your sex life according to your major

The connection between academia and your libido

By Richard Dick, Contributor

Nutrition

You know everything there is to know about diet. You have a tattoo on your ass of the Food Pyramid to remind yourself of the most important food groups to eat and replenish your energy with: Bread/Potatoes, Vegetables/Fruit, Dairy, Meat, Fats/Oils, and Pussy.

Education

You’ve tried the whole dirty teacher routine but all the mentions of a bad student disagrees with your teaching philosophy. Since you subscribe to the Carol Dweck “growth mindset” model, you don’t believe in the binaries of “good” student and “bad” student. Instead, you believe all students have the ability to grow into great students and there is no such thing as fixed amounts of intelligence and instead, everyone is capable. It’s a great philosophy, but it’s really not very good for dirty talk.

Geography and the Environment

You’ve used the line “Hey baby, are you Scotland?—because you’ve got a beautiful natural landscape covered in hills.” Unfortunately, the only response you’ve ever gotten is “I may be Scotland but you’re the Pompeii volcano and I can’t handle such abrupt explosions.” Your rock formations aren’t very hard due to constant weathering. Erosion just happens so easily to you, and before you know it, your rock sediments are all over the place.

Performing Arts

“All the world’s a stage” and all that shit, but you should probably stop faking your orgasms. There is always a climax in a play, and there should be one in your bedroom too.

Sign Language Interpretation

You’re going into a job where you use your hands, so you’re literally trained in hand jobs. Your fingers are professionally certified.

Philosophy

You spend a lot of time contemplating free will as the great thinkers of time have before you. You introspect: “Is man capable of original thought and action?  Do I create my own path in this existence? Or is my fixation on tentacle hentai and CBT porn a fate pre-destined for me?”