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‘I want a bae to call my own!’

Indeed, Cyrus seems to have misunderstood the popular slang-based term of endearment, “bae” (slang for babe, baby, or, in some cases, “before anyone else”), and will not stop until she acquires a bay of her own.

Advice for those too incompetent to live their own lives

First of all, I’d like to say that working in a home office that happens to be literal Hell is still less Hell than a standard office workplace. Congratulations on setting up what most people are too weak/insane/cheap to do.