Between the Sheets: sex, the mixtape, volume two

By Viv Steele, DJ Goodtimes

Back by popular demand with five new tracks chock-full of advice to help you get down, Between the Sheets presents Sex, the Mixtape Volume Two. The following juicy jams contain crucial tips that are so accurate they’ve been immortalized in song. With no further ado:

“Smack that, ‘til you get sore” –Akon

Akon’s “Smack That” is a clear ode to spanking, everyone’s favourite BDSM-beginner move. Akon’s talking about picking up ladies in the club in this song, but it can apply to the bedroom too—just make sure you ask before you attempt a full-on spank-a-thon, because some people aren’t into it. But a lot of people are.

“It’s hard to drive with her hand over here on my knee” –Easton Corbin

It’s about time I included some country in my sex advice mixtapes! The genre is usually a little more wholesome than the rap artists I usually feature, but Easton Corbin’s little ditty about getting hot and heavy on the highway was just too cute to pass up. Corbin’s girl is all over him when he’s driving them home—he’s not drunk, but as the songs title states, he’s “All over the road,” eager to get home and get all over his country lady. This song speaks to the power of foreplay and a little bit of danger. “It’s hard to concentrate with her pretty little lips on my neck,” says Corbin, and I agree. In the name of safety, vehicular heavy petting should be restricted to red lights, especially since the Lower Mainland isn’t home to too many slow country roads.

“It’s all in your mind punk, so keep your head tight” –Ludacris

Luda, Trina, and Missy Elliott team up in “One Minute Man” to provide a veritable onslaught of advice, including everything from Elliott’s wish, “I want you to come prepared,” to Trina’s alternate end game, “If you can’t beat it up then eat it up.” But perhaps the best advice, for men, comes from Ludacris when he says “It’s all in your mind.” The song decries premature ejaculators, but Luda wants to remind you that sex is a mental thing. If you focus, and “Keep your head tight,” maybe you won’t come so quickly, and Missy Elliott will be able to “Keep you up all night, for a long time.”

“You’re so amazing / You took the time to figure me out” – Rihanna

“What’s My Name” by Rihanna featuring Drake, is an upbeat poppy song that epitomizes the feeling of summertime quickies, young love, and a giving attitude in bed. The above Rihanna quote is gold, and so is Drake’s assertion, “The things that we could do in 20 minutes, girl.” They have a playful back-and-forth in the song that, when applied in the bedroom, is a recipe for sexual chemistry. Rihanna also wants to know if Drake can go “downtown” with a girl like her, which, given the overall tone of the song, seems like a safe bet. The key advice in this song, which is to figure out your partner and see what makes them tick, is priceless gold.

“I don’t want dick tonight, eat my pussy right” – Lil’ Kim

I could probably do a whole series on cunnilingus, and include only Lil’ Kim and Lil’ Wayne songs. It’s been argued that Kim and Weezy were both on the front lines of pussy-eating talk on rap tracks, and the mid-’90s produced “Not Tonight” by Lil’ Kim heaps evidence onto that assertion. “It was somethin’ about this dude I couldn’t stand / Somethin’ that coulda made his ass a real man / Somethin’ I wanted, but I never was pushy / the motherfucker never ate my pussy.” Eating the kitty can be an issue for some men, but for some women, a lack of oral pleasure can be a total dealbreaker. Don’t be selfish—treat your lady right. One of the biggest cunnilingus turnoffs is men who pussy-foot around the deed (no pun intended), and, like Lil’ Kim says, nobody wants to feel like they’re being pushy. So don’t be hesitant or awkward about it—just embrace it and dive in!

Sex advice in songs once again tells us that one thing above all is important: communication. Drake took the time to figure Rihanna out, Lil’ Kim vocalized her desire to have her pussy eaten, and Luda just wants you to know that the solution to your premature ejaculation problem is all in your head. And that guy in the country song just wants some heavy petting in his Ford.