Photo illustration by Joel McCarthy
All the drama of a TLC show, with 50 times the stakes
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
In a recent poll, Canadians cast their vote for their favourite reality TV series. The winner? The current US election.
“I used to derive guilty pleasure from watching shows like Hell’s Kitchen and Dance Moms,” wrote avid TV enthusiast Felicia Farewell on her popular blog, Avid TV Enthusiast. “Not so much anymore. The US Election has a depth of depravity that just gets you hooked! And as for audience participation? Sure, you can help vote people into stardom or off the island, but imagine voting to see which of these whacky characters gets the nuclear launch codes!”
The election’s success as a reality TV series is likely due to the involvement of Donald “We have so many things that we have to do better, Lester, and cyber is one of them” Drumpf, who was a reality TV mogul for many years.
“It’s certainly not super successful as a democratic election,” said recent American refugee Mike LeMike, as he sipped on his Tim Hortons french vanilla and stared dead-eyed off into the uncertain future. “I think it helps relieve the pain a bit, viewing it through the lens of a reality show. No, it doesn’t. Oh God, we’re doomed, aren’t we?”
“The catfights in Real Housewives can’t compare with the debates we’ve seen,” Farewell continued in her article. “I mean, usually you can predict big blow-ups in regular TV pretty easily, and you have some idea of what they’re going to say. But with the election, you have no idea what anyone’s going to say at any given time, and it’s invigorating! I was spellbound as Donald ‘The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive’ Drumpf claimed he never said China created global warming in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive. Like, he just outright lied! During a debate! And Hillary Clinton did a shimmy at one point and somehow managed not to strangle the guy at the podium. Just… wow!”
In an odd twist, the US election was also nominated for “Scariest Horror Series” by the same poll. It lost to American Horror Story by a slim margin, though many pollsters are now saying that they thought the title American Horror Story was, in fact, referring to the presidential election.
