For those who spread their legs faster than the disease can spread
By Richard Dick, Senior Columnist
Nothing helps a lockdown like getting dicked down. It’s a depressing lonely time and your heart may be empty—but your holes needn’t be. And don’t take my word for it—listen to the government. As the BC Centre of Disease Control (BCCDC) said, “People can, will, and should continue to have sex during the COVID-19 pandemic.” So, here are a few pickup lines sure to go viral with the ladies!
1) Hey baby, are your hands sterile? Cause I’m not 😉
2) Are you a vaccine? Because I want you in me.
3) Thank god threesomes are fewer than six people, am I right?
4) Damn girl, are you unprecedented times? Because everything just got a lot harder for me.
5) After I’m done with you, you’re going to wish you had personal protective equipment.
6) Did I take your breath away? Or was that just COVID-19?
7) Case numbers aren’t the only thing growing here 😉
8) Carry-her? But I’m asymptomatic!
9) 15 days? It wouldn’t take me more than 15 minutes to flatten into those curves.
10) If you’re having trouble measuring six-feet, know that my schlong would gladly assist.
11) Life without you is like supermarket shelves these days. Empty.
12) Do you know the difference between you and my webcam? I sincerely wanna turn you on.
13) Are you a Zoom meeting? Cause I don’t feel like wearing pants around you.
14) Please go do a COVID test. You look much hotter than the average body temperature.
15) You and lab tests are so much alike. I gotta do both in-person.
16) Wanna know what you and government orders have in common? I’ve been following both all the time.
17) I’d love to be the economy and go down on you.