Diary of a boyfriend of a zombie-lover

Bill’s Diary: DO NOT READ!!!

July 20, 2020

What the hell happened? Today was the launch of a new pill called Bonerific—it was guaranteed to work. I guess those scientists are responsible for causing the end of the world. People who get bit by them, eventually turn into them. They seem to live primarily off of humans, which can’t be good for anybody. The government should be making some kind of cure for this “zombiefication,” sometime soon I hope. Me and Doug should be fine until then…

August 21, 2020

We had to keep moving if we wanted to survive. That’s why I haven’t written in so long. I don’t trust anyone anymore, except Doug. I’ve known him for as long as I can remember. I’m so glad I don’t need to face this on my own. Things went to hell pretty fast. I don’t think a cure’s coming anytime soon. I just need to rely on my instincts to get me through this. But then I saw “The Wall.” I thought, “This must mean civilization!” But then there were a whole bunch of zombies near the wall. I ducked for cover and tried not to scream like a little girl. Unfortunately, I was so concerned about saving my own ass that I forgot about Doug. He was torn apart by the zombies. Lucky for me, a man shot them all. I screamed to the sky, damning Bonerific to the seven circles of Hell. It was then that the gunman told me to shut the fuck up and move my lazy, weeping ass towards sanctuary.

August 22, 2020

The gunman’s daughter is hot. There, I said it. Her name is Lucy…or was it Lisa? All I know is that she has pretty blue-green eyes. I would like to swim in them like a swimming pool. But I don’t think her dad will let me even say hi to her.  His name’s Burt and he’s a bit nuts, but he saved my life so I guess I should be grateful. I just wish he wasn’t such a hard-ass.

August 23, 2020

Hallieliuyah, or however the fuck you spell it. Li-Cy likes me! Wait, that’s not her name. Was it Lisa-Lisa? Who the hell cares, she likes me! But I’m worried. She keeps talking about how hot it would be to date a real zombie. Well, I guess the bullet doesn’t fall too far from the gun. I think that’s how the saying goes.

August 24, 2020

I’m afraid Lysol is going to break up with me. I mean, I’ve only known her for a day and all, but I LOVE HER! She just dyed her hair green and now spends her days swooning over some douchebag zombie that keeps hanging around The Wall. When she looks me, her glare of disgust pierces my heart like an arrow. Why doesn’t she like me? I heroically defended myself like a coward against the swarm of zombies Wait, I hear Burt’s voice. He’s telling me to stop my pussy-ass whining and go to The Wall tomorrow to get some food.

August 25, 2020

I’m going to be a total badass and get some food for us! Maybe this’ll win Lydia’s heart back to me! It just might!

(NOTE: Bill was found a few days later at the base of the wall, torn apart by zombies. He won’t be missed by anyone.)

With files from Steven Cayer and Livia Turnbull.