Illustration by Cara Seccafien
You deserve to have your needs met
By Jessica Berget, Opinions Editor
Getting your sexual needs met is awesome, but many people unfortunately do not have this privilege. When it comes to asking what you want in bed, people either feel too shy, too awkward, don’t want to offend their partners, or don’t know exactly what they want. However, to have a healthy and satisfying sex life and relationship, communication is key.
Some people just don’t know how to tell their partners what they’re into. Maybe they’re afraid it’s too kinky, maybe they think their partner won’t be into it; either way, the only way to find out is to ask. In the same vein, it’s also important to ask your partner what they like or want in bed. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out conversation before the act, as many people assume it to be. It can be a casual question before, or even during sex. “Are you into this or that?” or “Can you do this?” is all you really need to ask. If they say yes, great! Have a fun, sexy time. If they say no, move on, find something you both enjoy, but never force them to do it.
Don’t beat around the bush (no pun intended). Being upfront and straight forward about what you like is the only way to have your needs met. You must also be vocal about what does or doesn’t feel good to you, otherwise your partner is not going to satisfy you and may even end up accidentally hurting you if they were doing something that didn’t feel particularly great to you.
Confrontation can be uncomfortable for some people, and might even be considered a mood-killer, but it’s not as difficult as it seems. If you don’t like what your partner is doing just say you don’t like it and offer an alternative.
While it’s important to voice what you don’t like, it’s equally important to encourage your partner when they do something you do like. That way, they know that you enjoy it and would like more of it. Plus, it makes them feel good that they’re making you feel good. Small cues or directions like, “softer,” “faster,” or “slower,” can also make a huge difference in sex and foreplay.
Engaging in solo play is also as important as sex when it comes to having your sexual needs met. Some people aren’t sure what they like, so they let their partner take control and do what they want, which doesn’t usually satisfy both partners. To know what you want from your partner, you must know what you like or dislike. This is where solo play and masturbation comes in. If you know what you like, it’s easier to tell your partner so you can get your needs met.
You can’t expect your partner to know your turn-ons and turn-offs, and everybody needs a little guidance. If both you and your partner don’t know what feels pleasurable to you, it’s like flying an airplane without a pilot; it won’t really go anywhere. On the other hand, if you know how to please yourself, you can suggest to your partner what you enjoy.
No one ever says, “I wish I didn’t say what I wanted,” so just say it. You’ll never know if you’re partner is into the same stuff as you unless you talk about it, so just ask!
