Finding out your cousins are Trump-supporter conspiracy theorists

Suddenly I do not know them
By Jace Cipher, Contributor

12 pm

I am sitting at the fancy round dining table at my aunt’s house. We are having mimosas and enjoying my sister’s birthday brunch. My cousins who live there—three sisters—and my sister, and I are the only people invited because of COVID.

3 pm

I finish my sixth mimosa and am now seated in the living room. We’re all sleepy from the mimosas so my cousins begin cracking open harder alcohol, as you do.

3:30 pm

“Did you know paaji (respected brother) and bhabhi (sister-in-law) are Trump supporters?” my oldest cousin, Kiran, asks, staring intently at her phone.

“What?” I ask, wide-eyed. My brain suddenly begins flipping through a vast collection of strange behaviour from those two cousins that can quite easily explain this new information as no surprise.

“Yeah, honestly I’m not surprised,” my middle cousin, Radha, voices my thoughts aloud, “aren’t they anti-vaxxers too? That’s why I’m so scared for masi (aunt) living with them. She’s getting older, and she sees papaji (grandpa) almost every day.”

The three of us take another Baileys-coffee shot.

4 pm

My sister sits down with us.
“Did you know paaji and bhabhi are Trump supporters?” Kiran asks my sister, “Seriously. Bhabhi posted this text on Snapchat about fake news and how Biden supporters are sad.”

“I don’t think any of them are sad. I think everyone who voted Biden is quite happy, actually.” I chime in.
“Was she hacked?” is the first thing my sister asks. It’s true, you never expect someone close to you—who shares the same blood in their veins—to be so stupid. Disappointing, really. It’s easier to initially believe they were hacked than have to accept the dark truth. “Then again, they think COVID is a hoax anyway, right? So, it’s not that surprising.”

“What?” I ask once again, still in awe, “It just keeps getting worse!”
“Well not a hoax. They just think it’s not as bad as it is,” Radha says.
“Wow they should really go see how the hospitals are doing,” I roll my eyes.
“Well, why did you think we didn’t invite them?” they all laugh.

6 pm

We have been drinking for six straight hours.