Parents hate to admit their son is a loser
By Livia Turnbull, Humour Editor
A British Columbia senior gets to cash in on some big money today. Twenty-one years ago, he bet six-million dollars that his grandson would become a college dropout.
“I never really liked my grandson anyway,” says Ron Amal, 73. “Even as a baby, he wouldn’t do anything. He’d just sit and stare at the ceiling like the God damn stoner he is today.”
The bet, which took place between Amal and his best friend (who wishes to remain anonymous), began—like most stupid bets—after a drunken night at a bar.
“We were walking home drunk one night and I said to him, you know what, my grandson’s going to be a loser. I saw him when he was born and it looked like my trashy daughter-in-law had sex with an alien. What, are we hiring aliens from Mars to deliver milk? Anyway, after we made some… crude comments, we made the bet.”
The six-million dollar grandson, Aden Amal, released a rather confusing statement: “Y’know, I don‘ give a fuck what that old man say, mang, he alway after my back just like those teachers at school. They used to say a grade is what matter. But weed matter. Dem teachers ain’t know shit. They used to say, mang, that I could work as a… McDonalds… but I ain’t… gym teacher.”
Markos and Brenda Amal, Aden’s parents, are choosing to live in denial of the fact that their son is one of many loser potheads who drop out of college.
“We’ve always believed in the concept of Indigo Children,” says Brenda. “Aden just needs a little more time to grow into his own realm. He’ll become a functioning member of society when he’s ready.”
“No matter what the ‘doctors’ say about Indigo Children not being real, I believe that my son is special,” says Markus. “I mean, look at this assignment from kindergarten! Indigo Children always think outside the box. My son once drew a picture of a frog when the assignment clearly said to draw a picture of a cat.”
“Yep, my grandson is as stupid as hell,” says Amal. “Plus their house always smells like reefer. Next thing you know, he’ll be making up a meth lab like on the TV show.”
When asked what he was going to do with the six-million dollars, Amal had one thing to say: “I’m moving to Tahiti to get away from my idiot children.”