Illustration by Ed Appleby
Don’t like fear? This article is for you!
By Sophie Isbister, Life & Style Editor
Halloween: the time of year when fear reigns supreme, and it’s just around the corner! While kids and adults alike are preparing for a spooky night, I’m just hoping I don’t get so scared by a child dressed as Chucky that I trip and fall while running away—again. Halloween is truly a little too scary for me (I once left the room when my friends were watching Paranormal Activity), which is why I’m here with some tips and tricks for costumes that aren’t scary!
I have a sneaking suspicion that as the weeks progress we’ll be devoting a few column inches to the topic of Sexy Halloween, so I won’t say too much about sexy costumes, other than that when they’re not scary they can be perfectly acceptable. Instead of a sexy zombie, why not go for a sexy bumblebee? (Although I suppose that might be scary for someone with an allergy.)
Cute costumes are a great option for Halloween! You could be a bunny or a princess or even something elaborate, like Little Bo Peep or King Henry VIII. Instead of being repulsed by and afraid of you, people will mingle with you all night—you might even make some new friends! Cute costumes are also really easy to put together in a hurry, and you won’t have to spend the morning after your Halloween festivities scrubbing fake blood and fake scabs off of your face. And finally, looking in the mirror will not be a terrifying ordeal.
Clever costumes or pun costumes are also a safe bet if you want to avoid Scary Halloween. A friend of mine got topical a few years ago and went as the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. Another friend—and our Assistant Editor, Eric Wilkins—goes as a pun every year; last year he was “a fork in the road.” I have yet another extremely lazy friend who dons a flannel shirt and calls himself a time traveller from the ‘90s, although he really just looks like a guy who didn’t dress up. Clever costumes are good if you’re okay with spending the whole party explaining the joke to people.
The awesome thing about Halloween is that you can be whatever and whoever you want to be. Take this to heart and consider going as a famous (non-scary) person. Some examples include: Hillary Clinton, Tina Fey, Bill Murray, or Barack Obama. These are all non-threatening, real-life public figures. Please avoid dressing like Karla Homolka, the Zodiac Killer, or George Zimmerman. Definitely scary people.
Halloween can be a lot of fun, if you don’t let all the fear ruin your night. My tolerance for scary costumes is growing with my age, but please, for my sake and the sakes of all the other fearful Frans out there, consider a less-scary option this October. Thank you.
