You probably canât handle a monkey anyway
By Tariq Ghanzi, Contributor
Imagine if Michael Jacksonâs pet monkey had punched him out over a banana; I bet youâd feel different about pet monkeys then.
A quick Google search will tell you that Texas has anywhere between two and five thousand tigers inside of its borders. When considering where the worldâs tiger population resides, Texas is near the top of that listâand only India has more tigers. But there is a difference between the average Indian tiger and every Texas tiger; Indian tigers are natural to India and are frequently wild while Texas tigers are pets. Thatâs weird, tigers are like 500 to 700 pounds of muscle and apex predator instincts; their whole existence revolves around killing stuff. Tigers are not meant to be pets, but tigers are not the only animal that shouldnât be a pet.
Other exotic animals people have as pets include giraffes and monkeys. Though someone might propose that a giraffe is just a limousine horse, they are different enough that they shouldnât be kept as pets. They are probably prone to weird giraffe diseases and I bet they eat a ton of food. I doubt they eat any leaf on any tree or bush so Iâm not even sure that you could just put them in a backyard to graze.
Monkeys are weird pets too because they are so smart and capable. The fact that psychology experiments done on monkeys can translate to humans freaks me out that some people want them as pets. Plus, monkeys are really strong and have sharp teeth, so if it wanted to fight you it might win or at least it could put up a good fight. Imagine if Michael Jacksonâs pet monkey had punched him out over a banana; I bet youâd feel different about pet monkeys then. But thatâs the reality of the monkey world, they throw poo and beat each other up all the time, and thatâs too much work for a pet if you ask me.
Even reptiles are kind of weird as pets. Theyâre low maintenance, which is cool, but they are also uncaring predators. I mean, does your pet snake even like you or does it just hang out with you cause youâre warm and it thinks it could eat you? I will admit that lizards are kind of cool though so maybe they get a pass, but the big ones are probably better off free and in the wild. I think if a person with big hands canât easily lift the lizard with two hands, then itâs a no go for the pet shop. If someone who is 6â5 couldnât easily lift the lizard then its probably too much lizard for animal companionship.
Exotic pets should be a no go for obvious reasons. They have specialized needs, distinct eating habits, and are probably dangerous to the average human. If youâre Mike Tyson you could fight your pet tiger if you have to, but Iâve seen small cats scratch the hell out of enough people to know that bigger isnât better.
