By Eric Wilkins, Chief Underperforming Team Correspondent
Sedins purchase invisibility cloaks
[dropcap]W[/dropcap]ith the Canucks bound for the playoffs, the Sedin twins have begun their annual playoff tradition. For those who are unaware of the twins’ unique ritual, be informed that it is no mere growing of a playoff beard; it is much, much more.
The Sedins were spotted last week making their usual purchase of a pair of invisibility cloaks at an army surplus store. “We had some trouble with consistency issues last year,” said Daniel. “Last year’s model didn’t quite work. You could actually see us at times. So, we decided to step up from the civilian model.”
The Sedins were reportedly in frequent contact with former Canuck Markus Naslund in order to get the best quality this year. “’Nazzy was practically impossible to find in the playoffs in any given year,” piped in Henrik. “We figured he’d know a thing or two about what to buy.”
Naslund could not be found for comment.
“Our clients are typically more than happy with our product,” said Invisibility Cloak Enterprises (ICE) CEO Dissa Pear.
With the new cloaks in hand, the Sedins appear well-prepared for the Canucks playoffs run, once again proving that there is never a time when you appreciate not seeing Swedish twins.
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Canucks trade fan favourite for useless giant, go on losing skid
Several weeks ago, the Canucks began a streak of less than satisfactory results. It has been reported today that a leading cause of this is the loss of third-line centre Cody Hodgson. The fan favourite was averaging approximately a point every other game when he was dealt for the hulking Zach Kassian. All the more impressive was that Hodgson was doing so with about half the ice time allotted to the first two lines.
While Hodgson has recently found his feet with the Sabres, Kassian has proved himself to be little more than a big man on skates, scoring all of two points with the ‘Nucks to date.
The recent Canucks skid has often been blamed on lack of motivation since they have already locked up a playoff spot, but it seems all too coincidental that it occurred around the same time Hodgson was traded. Many were incredulous of the move when it was made, believing it to be a hoax, and it has been regarded as one of the more unpopular trades in Canucks history.
Many are left waiting for the nightmare to end and for it all to be revealed as some horrible prank.
Oh wait.
