By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer
Zellers to live on?
Fans of Zellers will be pleased to hear that the store will live on in some capacity. It was revealed on January 2 that Target has been buying up all the old Zellers’ stock, and plans to sell it under their own name.
Zellers enthusiast Joe Smith commented, “I’m over the moon about this. I was worried all my clothes would become discontinued relics, but now I can breathe easy. Hunt Club and Sportek forever!”
The reported slogan for the Canadian chain of Target stores is “New name, same crap.”
Report: Favre to make another comeback
Former Green Bay Packers great Brett Favre looks set to make his twentieth comeback from retirement.
“I just feel that I retired too early. The Vikings pressured me to make a decision as whether to retire or not] and I probably panicked a bit,” said the 43-year-old.
The Vikings are reportedly pondering bringing Favre back, although the Jaguars and the Cardinals are also interested. The Montreal Alouettes of the CFL have put feelers forward as well, looking to create the oldest quarterback duo in history.
Favre’s wife, Deanna, said that her husband has been working hard to keep up his throwing; he regularly sets up a tire for a target in the backyard. Favre’s average is 11 of 20 passes go clean through the tire. The other nine are picked off.
NASCAR to make changes
NASCAR is set to introduce new rules and regulations later this month. The racing body is seeking to make its races more “exciting” and “fiery” for the fans. To this end, racetracks will now be heavily greased to promote more difficult turning and increase the likelihood of crashing. Contact is also set to become a part of the sport, and drivers are encouraged to ram each other at every opportunity.
The idea supposedly came from a NASCAR fan’s son. “He just asked me one day why the cars didn’t go ‘boom boom’ and burst into flames as often as he wanted. I thought about it for a moment and then sent in a letter right away. Oh, the brilliance of the young,” beamed Biggex Plosion, the proud father.
The drivers of NASCAR reportedly aren’t as happy about the changes.
Bieber and One Direction up for award
Teen pop sensations Justin Bieber and One Direction are the finalists for 2012’s Most Masculine Celebrity of the Year award.
“I’m really surprised and humbled by this,” said Bieber, “A lot of people told me that I’d never make it to this point, but I always just tell them never say never.”
One Direction simply burst into the chorus of their hit song “What Makes You Beautiful” when asked about the award, much to the chagrin of the interviewer.
The results will be revealed on Punk’d next month.