Lacklustre band plays to lacklustre crowd of friends and family in exchange for lacklustre pizza, notoriety

Concert review: Grandma’s Vintage Nudes in the Basement at Tony’s Pizzeria, on January 24

By Cazzy Lewchuk, Staff Writer

Last Friday night, I went to Tony’s Pizzeria to check out local band Grandma’s Vintage Nudes in the Basement—described on their Twitter page as “Vancouver’s leading dark-pop pop-punk alternative indie emerging band.”

Opening with a scream of “ DEFEND POP-PUNK!”—which he continued to shout before each song—lead singer Kyle Walker launched into the first song, “Magic Baby.” Cheers from the audience emerged; the audience consisted of me, another reviewer, three women who I later found out were the members’ girlfriends, a 12-year-old boy who was either the drummer’s brother or son, and two 14-year-old girls wearing handmade T-shirts of the band’s logo (a burlesque dancer with the head of an old woman).

Launching into a song he informed us was called “Shindig,” Kyle told us we could listen to the song “on our SoundCloud… wait no, we haven’t put it on our SoundCloud yet. Hey, Jordan,” he said, turning to the bassist. “Did we update our Bandcamp with it yet? Oh, we don’t have one. Well, it’ll be on our EP… which we’re creating just as soon as Chris gets his paycheque,” he said, pointing to the drummer, who seemed oblivious to the fact that the rest of the band had stopped two minutes beforehand.

The highlights of the show included a 10-minute bass solo, an impromptu drum solo, an extended guitar solo during the band’s “greatest hit,” and several renditions of Kyle showing us his “killer beatboxing.” There were even a couple points in the show when the band collectively played together, sounding almost like songs listed on the alleged set list. However, these claims were refuted by one angry pizza customer, who yelled at the band to “play some fucking music already, I came here to have fun and eat, not listen to the sound of my ’97 modem.” The lead bassist seemed particularly hurt by these comments: he mentioned to me afterwards his father doesn’t always appreciate their live shows.

Things got awkward when the band members got in an argument with the owner of the establishment, Tony, about their payment. The band later posted a boycott of Tony’s on their official Facebook page (“We already have 20 likes and we set it up a month ago!” raved Chris Lai, the drummer), stating the number of pizzas paid to entertainers in their establishment was “two instead of three,” and that the case of beer also given was “Cariboo, not PBR.”

Grandma’s Vintage Nudes in the Basement’s next show will be in the basement of Kyle’s mother’s house, with special guests Hippo Eat Dwarf and the New Radicals. Asked for a press write-up, Kyle replied “Uh yeah, tickets are only 50 bucks and you can text me for the address of the venue and for pickup. I can meet you anywhere in Aldergrove. Better hurry, though, we only have 250 of these available,” before returning to sipping Cariboo beer and playing Call of Duty.