‘Paycheques are better than thinking!’ says man
By Klara Woldenga, Entertainment Editor
Local businessman Joe Ericson is as normal as it gets, and he likes it that way.
“I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday: Toast on toast,” Ericson told the Other Press. “I go running on the weekends, binge on some Netflix, and sometimes even get out of the city. Not too far out though, you don’t want to get too crazy on the weekends, amirite?”
According to Ericson, he has worked at the same local, large-scale business for over 10 years and has no intent on stopping anytime soon.
“I work nine to five for a large company, and I love it!” Ericson told the Other Press. “I just can’t understand why anyone would have a problem with this kind of lifestyle!”
“He’s the best employee we have ever had,” said Ericson’s boss, Laura Hecklin. “He loves work more than anyone I have ever met. During the weekends he sits at his desk at home in his business clothes waiting for Monday to start. It’s beautiful, really.”
“It’s true,” confirmed Ericson. “I just don’t know what to do with myself on the weekends. It’s scary to think about, really. What do I do when I’m not at work? Frightful Fridays and Marvelous Mondays, amirite?”
“He’s such a freak,” said Jack Logen, Ericson’s co-worker. “Who can be happy doing this desk job and nothing else? It’s soul-sucking.”
According to the company’s records, Logen was fired five minutes after grumbling for creating low work morale.
When asked about Logen’s firing, Hecklin replied, “This company has a zero-tolerance policy on grumblers.” After grumbling about the low morale created by grumblers, Hecklin was also fired.
Instead of moving up in the company after both Logen and Hecklin were fired, Ericson chose to remain in his position and in his small cubicle filled with pencils he enjoys pushing.
“I don’t want to move up too quickly,” said Ericson. “Or at all, really. Life’s not all about success and growth, you know?”
To the outside world, seems like Ericson has it all figured out, but he’s had a question stuck in his head for as long as he can remember: Why do other people complain about working nine to five jobs?
For the past five years, Ericson has dedicated every two-week vacation he has gotten to traveling the world and scouring libraries and the Internet to find the solution to this complex question. He’s gotten close, but still feels the answer is far within reach.
“I can understand not liking nine to five work, I guess,” Ericson told the Other Press. “But complaining about something and not changing it? That’s a whole ‘nother head scratcher.”