Mostly uses razors to trim treasure trail
By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor
Local citizen John Mann, 26, put his foot and razor down after seeing a new Gillette ad.
The ad itself, Mann claims, shows examples of toxic masculinity and how it has pervaded modern society, and ends on the note that we need to be conscious with our actions as they ultimately influence and inform the children of tomorrow.
“That shit was so dumb,” said Mann, tugging listlessly on the four chin hairs he called a goatee. Though Mann usually makes fun of people who feel hurt or attacked by words or actions, he insists that Gillette’s ad affected him on a deeper, more masculine level.
“Ad companies shouldn’t be allowed to say and do whatever they want and make people feel bad about themselves. That’s what a man is supposed to do to a woman, or anyone physically weaker and smaller,” he said.
Mann buys, on average, two four-packs of disposable Gillette razors a year. “Most of them usually rust before I finish using them because I leave them in the shower. That’s mostly why I need the second pack. Regardless, Gillette sure is going to feel the loss of a client today.”
And Mann is not alone. Other citizens, like Jack Homme, feel that the marketing ploy overstepped its bounds.
“I’m mostly disappointed about how they made me feel ashamed after watching it,” said Homme. “Advertising should only shame people in good ways, like how women’s razor ads shame them for not having a 100 percent smooth, poreless, hair-free body. Or how almost any ad targeted towards women makes them feel like they live in a horrible, grotesque human shell that will never reach socially acceptable levels of beauty. Now that’s advertising!”
Reporters noted that Homme not only lacked facial hair but was completely bald as well.
Mann is working hard with frustrated men around the area to come together and protest Gillette. The Other Press stopped by a meeting (held in the basement of Mann’s mother’s house) to conduct interviews.
“We’re not going to stand idly by while our manhood is being threatened,” Mann told press. “We’re being labelled as violent, aggressive, and evil. And if we have to riot to make sure people know that isn’t true, so be it.”
Several men with a scant handful of beard hairs among them were tying rocks to sticks to make crude tools.
“These are to bang together and make noise with,” said the one with the most hair, the clear leader.
In another corner, a man with no facial hair but a stunning pelt of fur around his neck was making signs to carry to the rally. “I ran out of space, but I think this gets the message across,” he said, brandishing a sign that read “GILLETTE BAD.”
“Sorry ladies, do you want to live in a world where men are compassionate, sensitive, and thoughtful?” said Mann, whose last date turned out to be a catfishing scam. “Didn’t think so.”