New dating app mixes love with hate

Baby, I hate you so much!
By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor

Are you one of those superficial, idealistic idiots who believes in love at first sight?

“True love doesn’t actually exist,” Sociologist Willam Menaker, single, told Other Press reporters. “What we know about human ‘love’ is a combination of pheromones, codependency, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.”

But if that’s the case, why continue to date?

“Humans partner up for a myriad of reasons,” Menaker said. “Mostly cheaper rent, shared clothing, and spousal healthcare coverage.”

Keeping all of that in mind, co-creators Annika Rhodes and Adam Marshall have created an app based not on love—but on hate.

“When starting a new job, what’s the one thing you can instantly bond with the office over?” Rhodes said to reporters. “It’s not a mutual love of Chia Pets or morning jogs. No, it’s hating that bitch Cherie who always brings a tuna-based meal to work and stinks up the whole break room by microwaving it. Or bitching about your boss, who will trap you in a conversation for hours about his personal relationship information that you never asked about.”

“What makes our app Rant unique is that it doesn’t focus on what potential suitors like,” Marshall explained. “It’s what they both dislike.”

App users can select common pet peeves they hate—ranging from people who cough too much on public transit, to dog owners who let their pets lick their mouths, and anyone on or talking about their keto diet.

“The greatest human bonding experience is sharing joy over something that just irks the shit out of you,” Rhodes said.

Besides peccadillos, users are also able to swipe left or right based on other users’ looks—with a twist.

“Other dating apps encourage users to look for someone to spend the rest of their lives with, someone to slowly grow old and senile with. With Rant, users are encouraged to swipe right on others who they want to have unbridled, passionate hate sex with,” said Marshall.

“The key to a good relationship is a good sex life,” Rhodes said. “And what keeps the spark alive longer than bangin’ someone you can’t stand the sight of? It’s invigorating!”

Other Press reporters interviewed couples who found the loves—or hates—of their lives on Rant.

“Me and Bethany instantly bonded over our mutual hate for anyone who puts their change on the counter instead of in the cashier’s hand,” J.B. Frankel said, holding hands with his girlfriend Bethany Chambers. “Why are they forcing the cashier to scrape money off of the counter? It’s downright demeaning!”

“I met my partner Jamie through Rant and I’ve never been happier,” Jesse Wilson said to reporters, with partner Jamie Roy. “We both believe that we should never see a bare foot in a public setting. It instantly ruins our day. We’re getting married in June, and everyone is going to be in full boots.”

“We both hate Taylor Swift,” said doting couple Erika VanHousen and Anna Wong.

“Try it out!” Rhodes said. “You have nothing to lose, but everything to hate.”