Take in nature without having to take money out of the bank
By Klara Woldenga, Humour Editor
In Vancouver, summer is the best time of the year. Unfortunately, since you live here, your wallet isn’t having the best time. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here are the top free camping places in Vancouver that won’t break the bank.
Dude Chilling Park
They can’t arrest you for chilling, it’s in the name.
Behind a dumpster
Don’t worry, you won’t be breaking new ground or sticking out like a sore thumb by being there. Due to the housing crisis, you won’t be the only one taking advantage of this opportunity!
Under a bridge
This is a great option that allows for excellent rain cover, car noises, and the sounds of people finding an isolated location to cry. Nature is beautiful. Why should homeless people and storybook trolls get all the good spots? Assert your dominance by wearing bright reflective clothing.
A tent store
There are thousands of tent stores open for the fat cats who are able to actually afford tents, and all of them are already set up! All you need to bring is yourself and an attitude that screams “I want to speak to your manager.”
In a petting zoo
Pretend to be a goat. It’s a lot easier than it sounds.
Daniel’s drained pool
If none of the above options tickle your fancy for some reason, don’t worry about it. I know a guy who never uses his pool. All you need to do is climb down it, set up camp, and enjoy the spooky, echo-y chamber. Just email me and I’ll give you his address.
Daniel never uses his pool, and he also never uses his beautiful, large backyard. He doesn’t deserve it, but where he fails as a human being you can succeed! Sneak in from the back alley and though his back gate. His gate password is 1-6-3-3-0-3-2-8-4-2-6-3-3-8-6, and his 10 Dobermans won’t bite you if you feed them gluten-free dog treats; I think you can find those in Kitsilano, probably.
Don’t worry about it, I never see him lock the door. Just make sure that you only camp between the hours of 11 p.m. and 6 a.m., Monday to Friday.