Nothing in life is free, except this

Five ways to acquire a free, satisfying lunch at Douglas College

By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor

Feeling famished? Financially strapped? Nourish your intestinal flora on campus while building up a healthy bank balance with these quick and simple tips for finding a free lunch at Douglas College.

1. Make a condiment salad: ask your friends to pass along their excess condiments—think ketchup, artificial sweetener, etc. Create a little parfait by layering the condiments in a colourful arrangement, and dig in. Totally free, and totally somewhat edible.

2. Charm people into buying you lunch: every lab partner you have is a potential person who might want to buy you some salad by the weight. This is a bit of a long con—all you have to do is sneakily mention how much you love lunch every time you see your classmates all semester long. Sigh loudly about how you have no lunch. Eventually, someone will get very angry and say, “Fine! I’ll buy you lunch! Let’s go.” Bingo.

3. Nourish your body with knowledge: some people say that information is power, but I say that it’s also lunch. Go to the library for more than just surfing Facebook, and you’ll fill your mind to the brim. Just don’t, like, actually eat the books’ pages.

4. Stake out the Students’ Union: the Students’ Union frequently offers students yummy meals and treats for special events. Even if it’s not a meal day, the Students’ Union is pretty cool.

5. Go on a two-hour water fast: water is not only free at Douglas College—it’s also readily available. Fill up your reusable water bottle and sip up some fresh H2O—sans the dollars.