It’s a big hill alright
By Rebecca Peterson, Humour Editor
It’s that time of year again: The time for satire articles about pumpkin spice lattes, school supplies shopping, and other “start of school, start of fall”-type subjects. In the unending well of back-to-school humour clichés that has yet to run dry (or at the very least, is aided by the fact that not many readers are likely to remember what was published in the Humour section last year), there is the hill.
If you’ve never been to the New Westminster Douglas College campus, you might not know of its existence. If you’re a Douglas College athlete who works out far more than your average Other Press section editor, and has a substantial level of fitness, you might not have even registered that it is, in fact, a comically steep hill. Just a ridiculously hard hill to climb. It’s awful, but hey, if you’re an athlete you can probably do sprints up the hill. You probably crush hills like that all the time. Heck, you can probably climb a flight of stairs without losing your breath, too, or getting that weird, rushing, dizzy feeling in your head.
It must be nice to be fit.
Getting back to the hill, though. If you’re not a superstar athlete, the hill is daunting, at the very least. If your paycheque is reliant on you sitting at your laptop and writing humorous articles about big hills and not, say, actively moving around and building up muscle and stamina, the hill ensures that you’ll show up to class sweating, breathless, and with makeup trailing down your face because no amount of setting spray can keep it in place after you’ve climbed Mount Kill-a-man-Douglas and you can’t afford the more expensive long-wear stuff you keep meaning to buy because you’re a poor student and not the billionaire popstar that 6-year-old you thought you’d be at 22.
Where was I going with this?
Right. The hill. It’s a big steep hill. Someone should really do something about it.
But if nothing is done, at the very least, we can write another article about it next year.