YouPorn sponsors new DotA 2 team
By Brittney MacDonald, Life & Style Editor
Grand poobah of Internet depravity YouPorn is now the proud sugar daddy of their very own professional eSports team. If you don’t know what an eSport is, you’ve probably been too busy playing real sports to notice the accelerated growth of competitive Internet gaming.
YouPorn has added relatively unknown North American DotA 2 team No Broodmama to their newly erected Team YP, a branch of YouPorn devoted to promoting professional gaming. The acquisition came as quite the shock, proving that Team YP are obviously growers and not showers, since many within the videogame scene were unaware of their existence until YouPorn decided to “make it rain on that ass,” with all of their dirty, yet satisfying money.
When asked, one player claimed he was both excited and curious about what the promotional work could include, citing that he was happy that the team was finally able to find a sponsor with a product he could get behind.
YouPorn Vice President Brad Burns released a statement saying: “We’re especially excited about this partnership, for it’s a validation of our vision for our future within the eSports industry. Formed one year ago, Team YP is now looking to affirm its presence as one of the world’s best eSports gaming organizations.” Though, with only four official members prior to the acquisition that cover only two minor competitive gaming leagues, Burns’ ejection might be a bit premature.
This is the second time that Team YP has attempted to enter the competitive DotA 2 scene, having previously picked up Spanish team Play 2 Win. However, the Latin lovers failed to make it past second base, losing the majority of their competitive matches until the team was mostly disbanded.
The new North American Team YP popped their competitive cherry on September 12 in a best of three against ROOT Gaming. Their performance was lacklustre, and they ended a disappointing 0-2, later issuing an apology to their adult entertainment sponsor, claiming, “It’s not you, it’s us.”
With YouPorn’s “love ‘em and leave ‘em” history of sponsorship, it remains unclear if this particular relationship will continue if the new Team YP doesn’t improve. However, being as Team YP failed to acquire any real MVPs for their player roster, which consists of relatively unknown “professional” gamers, I guess no one told YouPorn that you get what you pay for.
This piece is a satirical humour article.