Welcome home, vault-dweller
By Josh Visser, Contributor
So weāre deep in the thick of it. The fall turnaround, that is. Hopefully midterm season is over and all that you have left are infernal research papers looming ever-closer on the greying horizon. Maybe some class presentations as well, but cāmon, who really puts any effort into those, anyway? Iāll settle for that C.
Remember the saying: āGood grades, social life, sleepāchoose twoā? When did you first hear that, tenth grade perhaps? That seems like Kindergarten stuff now to us young adults. A more accurate turn of phrase for us would be: āgood grades, workĀāchoose one (or both, omit other options). Social life, hobbies, restāchoose one.ā
We millennials have it so easy, eh? On top of fixing all of the world-at-large issues our parents raised us intoā¦ But hey, fuggetaboutit! Life is filled with so many sources of stress, and do we really get anything out of it, other than a hole in the earth or ashes in the wind?
What lasts forever is how many platinum trophies you leave behind. I have zero. Sorry folks, Iām working on it. Alas, it is not going to be an easy endeavor, and Iām sure to lock myself in my dungeon, and wade through boundless radiation-filled waters, all while winning an insurmountable amount of battles with my quick-witted, silver-tongued bravadoā¦ if Iām to make it that far.
Believe me, I will persevere. You see, I plan to shun my outside, actually-important, real-world problems and focus instead on the distractions of the many upcoming new releases in videogames this month (Fallout 4 and Star Wars Battlefront, to name two).
These games are absolute blockbusters, and are sure to suck in many other like-minded individuals. Non-gamers: be ready for a steady rise in available young ladies on the market. Keep that Netflix subscription up-to-date. Those looking for work: find yourself a job on-call and rake in the dollars. Thereās going to be a lot of people āgetting sickā over the next couple of weeks as they grind for hard-earned experience.
On a more serious note to gamers: donāt actually quit your job for video gamesāhow else will you be able to afford Doritos and Mountain Dew? Or maybe youāll splurge and get a pizza. Do it. Indulge. With the ever-accumulating list of things you are sure to have piling up, the best thing you can do is turn a blind eye.
A wise man once wrote: āIn times of great upheaval, it is best to keep busy and work toward something positive. Keep your mind away from things which deter you from your goal.ā That same wise man also said: āWhat lasts forever is how many platinum trophies you leave behind.ā So, you know what you should really be working towards this finals season.
Remember your priorities. There remains a quest marker fixed on your controller. Do not neglect it. Your lifeās difficulty will only go up.
