The death of the hookup
By Matthew Fraser, Opinions Editor
It seemed that battle against the pre-conjugal poke had been lost and that the forbidden polka had prevailed.
Many adults and every social conservative have been fearfully warning against premarital sex for decades. Explanations given compared girls to chewed bubble gum and second-hand underwear. It was proposed that promiscuity was a sign of or led to low self esteem and a lack of self respect, when all that didn’t work it was called an attack on “traditional values.” But none of the lamentations or righteous indignation could slow the hordes of horny teenagers and their perpetual sheet shaking. The world was graced with historic levels of out of wedlock births, followed by music openly glorifying sexuality, and six seasons of 16 and Pregnant. It seemed that battle against the pre-conjugal poke had been lost and that the forbidden polka had prevailed. Alas, all things change through time and the newest generation has learned to behave themselves. Studies have determined Gen Z to be the least sexed generation and COVID-19 has done to hookup culture what Ben Shapiro hoped to do by trash talking J. Cole’s song “Wet Dreamz.”
The potential end of hookup culture has been brought about in no small part due to the discouragement of meeting new people. Afterall, hooking up revolves around sexual novelty. With clubs closed and bars severely limited, the weekend prowl has been greatly dampened. Not even dating apps can provide opportunities, as Tinder, Bumble, and all their competitors are collectively recommending virtual or socially distanced dates. And there is no such thing as a socially distanced bedroom bonanza. Even if these apps were not successful in discouraging forays, most users are likely heeding the public directives against expanding outside of their circles, even if it’s to a glory hole.
In many ways, the cost of intimate encounters has changed in a manner not seen since the AIDS epidemic. All the schooling about Chlamydia and HPV have not stopped those two STIs from rising to the top as the most commonly shared infections. Suddenly, the prospect of catching the ‘Rona has kept Willies at home better than they were previously kept under wraps. Though the protests against mask wearing hold no parallels in anti-condom demonstrations, I think it is likely that those who refuse one refuse the other. If the risk of a burning sensation and emergency penicillin shots didn’t scare people, the thought of respirators and hospitalizations seems to have done better.
So, will hookup culture survive the pandemic? Well according to US News, both new marriages and sexual activity have been decreasing year over year, moving the world slowly towards a population dwindling, celibate nightmare. I believe this social push away from in person contact, coupled with the economic damage of continued lockdowns will certainly decrease the number of people actively participating in the casual encounters market. However, social isolation and the sense of connection that most people desperately miss might motivate people to pursue long term and more stable relationships after the pandemic runs its course (provided people are financially capable). It might be time to switch from Mad Cobra to Luther Vandross.
