All you need is love?

There will never be a good McDonald’s slogan

By Elliot Chan, Opinions Editor

Dear McDonald’s advertising team: no word combination or phrase will ever make your company more appealing. You can use the word “love” over and over again, but you don’t need to convince us that you love anything. Just keep churning out your delicious mutated meals and you’ll be just fine.

In 2003, McDonald’s unveiled its “I’m lovin’ it” campaign with vocals by Justin Timberlake. Over a decade later the jingle still resonates—it’s brilliant; it’s so incredibly stupid. I have not met a person who genuinely “loves” the slogan. It just existed to cause us to cringe a little bit, more so than tasting the watered-down 7-Up from a malfunctioning soda fountain.

Then in 2008, McDonald’s dared to change people’s opinion of their food by introducing a new slogan: “What we’re made of.” With no cameo from any boy band members, the lacklustre campaign fizzled out and appeared only on packaging and promotional items.

Now, 11 years since we heard the “ba-da-ba-ba-da!” brain-branding tune, rumours heard through the Internet grapevine suggest that the behemoth fast-food chain will be introducing its new slogan for 2015. At this moment, the possible slogan appears to be rather “lovin’ beats hatin’” or “lovin’ is greater than hatin’.” And a synchronized groan can be heard from the 99-billion customers served.

I hope dearly that both those options are in fact just jokes, because the last thing I want McDonald’s to do is remind me of what I hate and what I love while eating shitty food. Like an unhealthy relationship, McDonald’s is lying to me. Please, McDonald’s advertising team, if you are throwing the slogan online to gauge the public’s reaction, note that it sucks. Don’t put us through 10-plus years of “lovin’ beats hatin’”—it’s not even clever.

Will I stop going to McDonald’s because of its crappy slogan? No, but it upsets me that there is a department of people up in the Micky D’s ivory tower, making such a dumb decision and that this is what McDonald’s is focussed on at the moment to earn customers’ love and loyalty.

A slogan means nothing, and there will never be one that will inspire me to go and eat McDonald’s. However, McDonald’s does many things well: the Monopoly promotion is one of the most successful “golden ticket” marketing campaigns of all time and the kid toys are another brilliant payoff for feeding our youths unwholesome food.

It upsets me when I see McDonald’s try to appeal to an audience that will never be converted. Stop trying to prove yourself to the health freaks and the haters. There is a devoted and large demographic out there that will never stop going to McDonald’s or other fast-food chains. For many, we have committed to this lifestyle of heart attacks, obesity, and diabetes and we are no more or less unhappy for it. We are fine, we are living our lives, we are just trying to find contentment, and we are the people you should care about.

So, if the advertising team is reading this, understand that whatever slogan you end up agreeing on, we’ll always hate it. Don’t waste your time and money with such a pointless initiative. Instead, do what you are already doing, treat us better, and stop lying to us. Because to me, McDonald’s beats nothin‘. It’s the Taylor Swift of nourishment—shake it off.