His first plan to impersonate the NDP leader didn’t
go too well
By Craig Allan, Staff Writer
After an election in which Justin Trudeau won, but with a downgrade to a minority government, Trudeau is looking to find a new way to reach Canadian voters. With his liberal base being eroded by the increasing mistrust of his government, Trudeau is looking for any way to gain back voters. Maybe the best way to get back voters is not by policy or a good-natured personality. Maybe the best way to get back voters is… to convince voters he’s someone else? Specifically another, more popular leader, Jagmeet Singh. Thus, Trudeau began his devious plan to trick the voting public by donning a salt and pepper beard.
This is not the first time Trudeau has tried to be Singh. This has been a long process sprawling over decades. Trudeau always knew he was going to be facing Singh in a contest of election and personality—he found this out when he got a psychic premonition from an old man at a mystical shop. In actuality this was just a scammer with two brain cells, but Trudeau was outfoxed and accepted the premonition as authentic. From then, he began sewing his cloak of trickery, which he dubbed “Operation Impersonmeet.”
His first attempt came in 2001, at the Point Grey School’s Arabian Nights themed party, where Trudeau was a teacher. This would be a great opportunity to lay some track for his eventual sleight of hand, or more likely face. For that party, he dressed in a turban and brownface, which he insisted on calling makeup for some reason. Trudeau could not tell anyone of his plan. This is assumed because surely someone would have told him that it was wrong, and that Singh is of Indian ancestry, which is different from Arabia.
Unfortunately, Trudeau did not count on the sands in the
hourglass changing over time. The media grew bigger, varied, and far more
critical. His plan to trick everyone was as transparent as glass. The reveal
almost caused him the election, but luckily due to the dense fog of confusion
surrounding opponent Andrew Sheer and the Conservative party, Trudeau was able
to win the election. However, Singh surged towards the end of the campaign, and
though the New Democratic Party lost 18 seats in the election, Trudeau knew
that Singh was still a threat to his crown as future king of Canada. With his
brain trust around him, Trudeau asked what he should do to advance his plan.
His team suggested growing a beard. Trudeau wanted to add wearing a towel around
his head and to start speaking in an Indian accent, saying “I can talk with an
accent, I’ve been to India!” His team shot that down immediately though.
When
Trudeau emerged at the beginning of the 2020s with a new beard, the media was
perplexed. Why was Trudeau growing this beard? Was it to look older? More
distinguished? Get that “daddy” look going? No one knew for sure, but Trudeau
did. Soon no one will be able to tell the difference between him and Singh. Now
all he needs to do is get his hands on the keys to the makeup supplies, which
have been locked up in the hardest place for Trudeau to get to. The border
between Alberta and Saskatchewan. He’s just shades away from being Jagtin
Sindeau!
