A not-so-retro guide to happy relationships & a happy life in 2014
By Julia Siedlanowska, Staff Writer
Although being a young lady in 2014 is no doubt très difficile, being a boy also comes with its own set of challenges. I noticed in our first edition of the Good Student Monthly that there was a specific etiquette for girls and for boys, and that issues regarding lifestyle choices and dating rules needed to be addressed separately. After many years of experience and consultation with professional daters, here is a modest list of advice and tips specifically geared towards men seeking women.
Dating:
In the club, don’t attempt to talk to a girl. Just grind up creepily behind her. If you do this slowly enough, she won’t notice. It is sometimes helpful to do this with a group of guy friends to a small group of girls; there is safety in numbers. This way you do not need to fear rejection, and you may simply laugh if the unthinkable happens. You can also ask your closest male friend to go in front of the girl you have approached from behind and give you a “thumbs up” if she is acceptable. If it is a thumbs down, you can simply bob away and nobody’s feelings are hurt! You also will have less unnecessary and time-consuming interaction.
Texting:
It is always better to express your emotions when you have had a few drinks! Feel free to express your true feelings and desires with abandon Friday and Saturday night after 1 a.m.
If you have been texting a girl who you had formerly been interested in but have now lost interest, it is best not to address the issue up front—or at all. Just stop texting. This will make life easier for everyone. Direct confrontation is not something to be practiced.
Of course, if you are interested in a particular girl, do text her often. If she does not respond relatively quickly, try something like “Baby?” or “You there?” to ensure she doesn’t lose interest. Try to maintain conversation with starters like “Sup?” or “Hey” and add interjections such as “Totally” and “You got it.” She’ll be all yours.
Online presence for men:
We all know that if you don’t have pictures of yourself casually having a pint with friends, at a sporting event, club, or concert, a girl will fear that you do not lead an active lifestyle and are not social. A girl must have sufficient information to look through online when she is studying your Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter profile. Make sure you have an array of photos to look through that present you in a favourable manner; however, limit your status updates and selfies so that you do not come off as effeminate.
If you do include selfies on your profile, (which can aid in showing off your new body after a workout regimen) always include a self-ridiculing caption acknowledging the fact that you are making fun of the selfie convention. This way people will not think you are vain, self-absorbed, insecure or, again, effeminate.
Follow and re-tweet intelligent and captivating quotes. Some sure-fire ones are from “I fucking love science” and “Word Porn.”
