In the style of âMean Girlsâ
By Mercedes Deutscher, Staff Writer
This past weekend, the Academy Awards took place, and they were so fetch!
Everyone showed up dressed to impress, especially if they went to 135. If not, they could always try Sears.
While everyone on the red carpet looked great, there was some animosity between guests, specifically Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.
âEx-boyfriends are off limits to friends,â vented Aniston. âThatâs just, like, the rules of feminism!â
While some drama was present outside of the movies, Jennifer Lawrence, accompanied by Bradley Cooper, urged her fellow actors and actresses to be civil.
âI wish we could all get along just like we did in film school. I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy!â she begged.
Cooper responded, âAre you even nominated?â
âNo,â replied Lawrence. âI just have a lot of feelings.â
This yearâs ceremony was hosted by none other than Neil Patrick Harris. However, NPH wasnât the only one considered to host the legendary show.
âWhy should Neil get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet?â retorted Chris Rock. âWhatâs so great about Neil? Hmm? Iâm just as smart as Neil. People totally like me just as much as Neil. And when did it become okay for just one person to be the host of this ceremony? Because thatâs not what the Academy Awards are about. We should totally just stab Neil!â
After Rock was escorted out by security, the awards began.
NPH started by warning the audience and guests that behaviours similar to what had happened at the Grammys were unacceptable.
âDonât be a Kanye. Because you will get booed. And die.â
The ceremony went on smoothly. Julianne Moore proceeded to take home the Oscar for Best Actress. In her speech, she gave a shout-out to the audienceâand some catty words to her fellow nominees.
âIâm sorry that everyone is so jealous of me,â said Moore, âBut I canât help it that Iâm popular.â
Big Hero 6 won the Oscar for Best Animated Feature. When later questioned on how the movie would have fared if The Lego Movie would have been nominated, director Don Hall responded, âOh my god, you canât just ask why movies arenât nominated!â
Best Picture was given to Birdman, as well as three other Oscars. Four for Birdman! You go, Birdman! And none for Leonardo DiCaprio, bye.