Academy shows no emotion for Emoji Movie

A film that was most definitely snubbed by the Oscars

By M.O Jee, Movie Enthusiast

Another year of the Academy Awards has passed, and, yet again, I’m disappointed by the Academy’s choices. Not only was my favourite movie not selected as a winner, it wasn’t even nominated!

As a way to show the Academy a piece of my mind, I’ve put together a list of exactly who the Oscars should have gone to.

Best Picture: The Emoji Movie

I am shocked that such a relevant film of 2017—nay, our generation—was not picked up for awards season. This film answered the pressing question of what life is like for emojis, a group of beings forever stuck in our text messages and copy pastas. This film changed me, and I’ve been more considerate to emoji’s ever since.

Best Actor: T.J. Miller, The Emoji Movie

I cannot think of anyone more deserving of this prestigious award than T.J. Miller, Hollywood’s Golden Boy. Miller truly brought magic to the role of Gene Meh, so much so that even I believed I was an emoji. He will be forever remembered alongside legends like Harvey Weinstein and Louis C.K.

Best Actress: Anna Farris, The Emoji Movie

Farris’ portrayal of Jailbreak broke hearts and expectations. She made an excellent manic pixie dream girl.

Best Director: Tony Leondis, The Emoji Movie

Only the most decorated director could pull off a movie like this, and who else could be trusted other than the director of Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch.

Best Animated Feature Film: The Emoji Movie

Sony Pictures does it again with their dazzling and memorable animation, which leaves you flooded with nostalgia from films like Open Season or Open Season 2. People will remember this film far more than some less accomplished films, such as Up and Beauty and the Beast.

Best Emoji: The Emoji Movie

Obviously.

Best Adapted Screenplay: The Emoji Movie

The fact that the Academy only picked films based on books begs the question: Do they even use screens in their day-to-day lives? To be so disconnected that this award can only go to movies created first on paper is insulting to our most basic sensibilities. Even the President of the United States uses his phone constantly. Those ancient cretins at the Academy should be ashamed.

Best Foreign Language Film: The Emoji Movie

After the whitewashing of Oscars in years past, it should astound no one that those selecting awards only speak English as their first language probably. Yes, The Emoji Movie was indeed performed in English, but think of it this way: English is a foreign language to the majority of the world, isn’t it? It’s about time this category reflect that.

Best Original Song: “Emoji Ringtone” by Patrick Doyle

For decades Mr. Doyle has been astounding audiences with his original film compositions. Truly a master classical composer, Patrick has reminded us that brevity is the soul of wit. Never before has the Academy given this award to a song under five seconds long, but it’s about time they widen their horizons.