Local man literally loses soul after jerk friend fails to perform basic social nicety
By Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
In an incident that experts are classifying as really spooky, a 23-year-old Coquitlam man is undergoing treatment for an acute case of soullessness following a fit of allergy-induced sneezing last Sunday. According to medical professionals, the man, Bruce Wayne, starting sneezing at about 2:53 p.m.—and his friend Eric totally did not bless him.
“What we know is that Mr. Wayne could not stop the sneezes. What we do not know is why the heck his friend Eric didn’t just bless him. What, like it’s hard or something?” explained the lead physician on Wayne’s case, Dr. Spaceman.
Indeed, everyone knows that if someone sneezes in your vicinity, you should say, “Bless you.” If you fail to bless a sneezer, his or her soul is at risk for being flung from the body forever. Also, it’s just good manners.
Unfortunately for Wayne, Eric just did not oblige. As a result, Wayne will likely suffer the lifelong consequences of having no soul. Wayne’s symptoms include being really rude to everyone, not crying at the opening sequence of the movie Up, and being terrible at dancing.
“Yeah, I feel pretty bad about the whole thing,” said Eric. “I was really into this Clash of Clans game on my phone though, so I just didn’t notice.”
“I have no soul now,” responded Wayne. “Thanks a lot, Eric.”
And that’s why you should never play Clash of Clans.