Chain email ghost saddened by lack of responses

Send to 10 people or you’ll get a friend for life

By Isabelle Orr, Entertainment Editor

Cordelia, the ghost of a little girl who died in a fire, visited Other Press offices for an exclusive press release last Friday.

“I send my message out year after year,” she rasped through the gaping hole in the lower half of her face that used to be her mouth. “And I expect at least some people to respond. I didn’t get a single bite this Halloween.”

A victim of a warehouse fire in Ontario, the wizened, goblin-like figure shoots her best shot by sending a mass chain email every Halloween season. The email asks the receiver to forward the message to at least 10 friends, or Cordelia will appear in their bedroom and stare at them while they sleep.

“Or, like, talk,” Cordelia explained, smoothing her once-white pinafore reminiscent of a child’s burial shroud. “Hang out. You know, normal stuff. I’m really into basketball. Hoping the 76ers go all the way this year.”

What started as a simple email quickly morphed into Facebook posts, swipe-through memes, and text chains.

“I was hoping that by diversifying from my original chain email, I could reach more people. It gets really lonely in the space between Hell and the mortal world. It’s like, I could chill by the Lake of Eternal Sorrow where I see all my loved ones drown on a loop or go to the Pits of Dread where all of my worst fears tear me apart in excruciating increments. But that gets so boring after a while. I’d love to sit down and talk to someone about how their boyfriend hasn’t really been there for them. Maybe some fondue. I really miss being able to just connect.”

Jerry Saunders, who received the text on October 30, promptly sent the message to as many people as he could.

“There’s no way I’m risking a creepy little girl watching me sleep,” Saunders told press. “That’s weird on so many levels. Plus, she’s haunted and stuff. I mean, that’s scary too. But the whole little girl in the room thing? Nah, man. That’s not me.”

Kristina Jenkins, who was presented the message through Instagram DMs, sent it to others for an entirely different reason.

“It’s such a vintage Halloween joke,” she explained. “I remember getting this on my MySpace page! So classic. I sent it to more than 10 people. I even sent it to my mom! She didn’t respond—maybe Cordelia got her!”

The Other Press asked Cordelia if Jenkins’ mother sent the message on.

“No,” Cordelia said mournfully, staring at reporters with glowing eyes that made everybody in the office momentarily ponder their own mortal fragility. “But Kristina’s mom sucks. I didn’t want to hang out with her. She sells weird essential oils and won’t admit it’s a pyramid scheme. I’d rather go back to the Lake of Eternal Sorrow for the billionth time or hang out with Bloody Mary. At least Mary likes to drink.”

Cordelia stood with a sharp cracking sound, her scabbed body moving like a haunted marionette.

“Well, looks like it’s back to the Cage of Rabid Dogs for me. I’ll try again next year. I have a plan to specifically target people who have under 10 friends. That’s right, I’m talking about people who rock climb and won’t shut up about it.”

Cordelia would like to pass on the message to readers that if you don’t like and share this article on at least three social media platforms, she will show up at the end of your bed at midnight and ask to watch all of the Legally Blondes, including Legally Blonde: The Musical—The Search for Elle Woods.